I found myself in a strange place for the next few months. In one way it was nice to have a break from medical procedures after two surgeries and two general anaesthetics in just two months. I saw it as a time for some ‘normality’ which wasn’t just from my personal situation but also in terms of the pandemic and the constantly changing rules and restrictions of the past two years. However, it was also ‘limbo’. I had no date for surgery and being able to plan anything with any certainty was still difficult.
Firstly, I was looking forward to celebrating my birthday as the previous two had both been during strict lockdown periods. My birthday was on a Tuesday during the Easter school holidays, as it often was being early April, and meant that I could celebrate during the day with more of my friends as many of us only work during term time. We booked a local restaurant for lunch.
On the Saturday before my birthday another group of my friends took me out for brunch at a beautiful farm cafe which overlooks the picturesque Tillingham Valley with views of the traditional hop gardens. It’s called ‘Tibbs Farm’ in a village called Udimore. I would highly recommend a visit! I’d had a bit of a dry throat but we all agreed to do lateral flow tests for Covid beforehand and everyone was clear, including me. The friend who picked us all up had kindly decorated the interior of her car with bunting and had bought some ‘bubbly’ with disposable champagne flutes! It was a lovely treat and one of the few times I’d been able to venture out, especially anywhere public, in the last three months.
My throat continued to feel not quite right but I didn’t have lots of other symptoms. I am so conscious of my friends’ different situations though, looking after vulnerable relatives or vulnerable themselves. So I kept testing (it was easy to stock up on test kits back then) and remained negative. Until…..the actual morning of my birthday! I couldn’t believe it! Positive for Covid! After everything I’d been through this year my birthday was going to be another hugely disappointing one. My family made a big fuss of me though and I had a few doorstep visitors who I saw from a safe distance but, at one point, I got very upset when a close friend called. I don’t expect it was just about that day, more like a build up of emotions from the frustration of weeks of being unable to do nice things for fear of Covid delaying any of my treatments.
I picked myself up, as I usually do, and when I was feeling more rational I was able to see it really wasn’t the end of the world and planned celebrations could be postponed. We had a holiday to look forward to which we had waited two years for, rebooked twice due to the pandemic. It was originally arranged for Easter 2020 for a visit from my sister-in-law who lives in New Zealand. The last time she was in the UK was 2017 to celebrate her 50th birthday with my husband, her twin brother. It would have been three years since we had seen her and was a chance for the whole family – including their older brother and his family – to spend some quality time together. We rebooked for 2021 but sadly Covid restrictions continued due to an upsurge in infection numbers. Even if our holiday could have gone ahead at that time, NZ had one of the most rigid sets of rules in the world and were not letting anyone in to the country during that period, even people who had been away and wanted to return home. So there was no chance of my sister-in-law joining us then. Where she lives on a dairy farm close to Gisborne they are very sheltered and at low risk so she quite rightly said why would she expose herself to the virus by travelling on a long flight to a country that had one of the highest Covid death rates at that time? Not only that, it would be pretty miserable not being able to go out anywhere during her visit. She is a hardworking farmer and struggles to sit around indoors not doing anything as it is. It’s already quite difficult for her to slow down for a few weeks and enjoy a rest but being locked down in the way that we were in the UK would have made her stir crazy! Although the situation had improved vastly with the rollout of the Covid vaccinations by the beginning of 2022, we didn’t have absolute guarantees that our holiday would go ahead in April so she didn’t book any flights.
I also missed out on my best friend’s 30th wedding anniversary party at her house. It was only a few days after my positive test so I wasn’t in the clear at that time. Another kick in the teeth, missing out on getting together with my friends yet again. I just had to keep reminding myself that worst things were happening to other people and it could only get better, couldn’t it?
I tested negative just in the nick of time, as did my husband who had also had Covid. So we could finally look forward to our holiday. As much as it is nice to go abroad, I loved the fact that we could just throw everything into the car and leave when we were ready, without the pressure and stress of packing to fly and rushing to an airport (it’s rare for us to turn up with time to spare!). We had arranged to meet the rest of the family, who live much closer to our destination, in Poole as we had to wait to be able to check in to our accommodation.
The journey was eventful, as it always seems to be with us! We stopped to get fuel and a lady came over to ask for help. She had a flat tyre and was in a bit of a panic. It was a very proud parent moment when our youngest son demonstrated his skills and changed the tyre for her. He is doing a motor mechanics course at college and did it like a pro! The lady was extremely grateful.
The next thing was a phone call from the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead. They were calling to get me booked in for my mastectomy. However, the lady asked if I had had Covid and, not even thinking that it would be a problem, casually said I’d just got over it. Unfortunately they cannot do surgery until a patient is at least seven weeks clear of having Covid. It was really disappointing but I can understand the caution, particularly knowing it was a long and complicated operation. It turned out that it didn’t make a huge difference to the original plan as they didn’t have availability for about six weeks anyway so it would only actually be put back by a couple of weeks. So she booked me in for late May. After I came off the phone, feeling a bit flat, I realised that it would mean I was going to miss a theatre show literally a couple of days after the surgery date and I was gutted. I’d missed out on so much, it felt like another punch in the gut. My husband suggested I ring the lady back and just see if it could be slightly later, for the sake of a few days. I managed to get hold of her and she was absolutely lovely about it. She agreed it seemed a shame to miss out and said she would try to get me in for early June but would obviously need to check that the surgeons were available. She did say though that she could still book me in for my appointment to meet the surgeon and be assessed so that was booked for Monday 29th April. I felt much happier after I’d spoken to her as, like I’ve said before, it helps me to have a plan of sorts.
We met up with the rest of our family at a Wetherspoons pub – all 15 of us – and basically rearranged the furniture so we could all sit together! It was lovely to see everyone as it had been a while. While everyone was chatting and catching up I had been talking to my niece and, for no apparent reason, I suddenly felt very overwhelmed and started to well up. I took myself off to the ‘Ladies’ in an attempt to compose myself as I didn’t want to spoil the happy holiday mood or draw attention to myself. However, my niece followed after me and, in turn, she was followed by my nine year old great-nephew who seemed a bit bemused. She reassured him everything was ok and asked him to go back to the table and I explained that there was nothing in particular wrong. I just had random moments of a build-up of emotions. I think it may have been a combination of seeing everyone, the holiday finally happening and processing the information that I’d had from the hospital. To my relief, no-one else seemed to have noticed that I was upset and I managed to return without looking too red-eyed and blotchy-faced!
The rest of the holiday was just perfect. We had some lovely weather, fun days out in beautiful Dorset, played family games and celebrated Easter with lots of chocolate! It was also my husband’s birthday on Easter Sunday which was our last day there so we got him a cake and balloons, made a big fuss of him and went for a lovely meal in the evening. It was a wonderful end to a lovely holiday.
Aside of all the fun we had, there was also a very special thing that made this a particularly memorable holiday. On the day we arrived, the ‘older’ adults and two little people had a wander round the campsite then stopped for a bite to eat in the restaurant. The ‘younger’ adults stayed in their caravan. Before anyone had finished eating their food I got a call from my daughter saying she wanted us to come back. I asked if it was urgent and she just said no but you need to come soon! She was being very cryptic and I didn’t know what to think. She’d said it wasn’t something bad but my head went into overdrive and I couldn’t help feeling a bit anxious. The others had heard my side of the conversation and were also curious. My daughter hadn’t said anything about not telling anyone and was only expecting me and my husband to turn up! Anyway, we headed back to the caravans and tentatively piled into their’s. They weren’t expecting all of us so it was all a bit awkward! Then my son announced that he was moving out. I was so confused! I didn’t get why this was such a big deal and couldn’t have waited. Then he called us into another area of the caravan and told us his girlfriend was pregnant! We certainly weren’t expecting that! It was really early but they had all been teasing her about not drinking alcohol and they ended up sharing their news! I can’t lie, it took some time to sink in but of course we were all delighted. We were also all sworn to secrecy until a safe time to announce their news to anyone else. That was an agonising wait….!
We managed to rearrange my birthday meal to the Saturday after we returned from holiday and it was lovely. I was completely over my Covid by then and it was a lovely catch-up with my close friends.
“No storm, not even the one in your life, can last forever. Better days are coming…”
Just a few days later I would be meeting my plastic surgeon to discuss my big operation.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, just imagine, not obsess, just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.
Hoping for a Happy Ever After 
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