So I got a call from Prince William to ask if I minded him getting married on my son’s 16th birthday – 29th April 2011 – and I said “why not? Double celebration!” Obviously that didn’t really happen but the big party certainly did! Did any of you believe me? Just a little bit? Ok, thought not….
We had a wonderful garden party at our house and the weather was exceptionally kind. Family and friends gathered, including a big group of teenagers. One thing I’ve always loved about our family, not just our little family but our relatives too, is that the kids always seem to be happy to celebrate with us oldies! I feel very privileged that they are happy spending time with us and value and appreciate having lots of aunts, uncles, cousins….
We didn’t start the party until the afternoon which gave us time to watch some of the Royal Wedding. Of course mum and I were mostly interested in Katherine’s dress and we weren’t disappointed. It was exquisite!
Mum had been waiting to hear about a dear friend of hers who was terminally ill with cancer. She’d had a roller coaster of a journey and fought hard but, sadly, mum got the call to say she had passed away that day. She was only in her fifties. Apparently she’d wanted to see the Royal Wedding. I really hope she got that last wish.
We also booked a family holiday that year. Originally we just looked at going with the children but ended up asking my parents to join us. We booked for a fortnight and they joined us for the second week. We stayed in a family hotel in Ibiza where we’d stayed before in 2002. Mum had lost a lot of weight by this time and looked tiny in her swimwear. She was able to enjoy the holiday though and we did quite a bit of sightseeing. We all had a great time and created some very special memories of what turned out to be our last ever holiday together.
From that point on the deterioration had become very noticeable. I think even then though we thought she would just pick up again.
In late August 2011 we all went along to an anniversary celebration at the De La Warr Pavilion where they recreated a group photo from 75 years earlier taken on the terrace and lawns. There were chairs laid out for a stream of performances and of course everyone was prepared for the ‘big photo’. It was a fun day but sadly blighted by the fact that mum wasn’t feeling at all well. In the end, dad managed to get her home to be more comfortable. Later that evening dad called us to say he’d had to call an ambulance and they were waiting to see if she needed to be taken to hospital. After some time and I imagine deliberation they were satisfied that she could stay at home. I can hear her protests now, playing down how she was actually feeling. It was very unsettling for us all.
After that scare, she seemed to perk up a bit again although I’m never sure if she was just putting on a brave face.
There was a period of time a few months earlier when I began having mystery abdominal cramps. It must have been before all the vision problems because mum was still driving. They lasted a few days and were literally debilitating. I have a very high pain threshold so when I feel pain this bad it’s quite alien to me. This is where I’m like my mum, I had put off going to the doctor’s as I was convinced it was nothing to worry about. In the end I was able to speak to my GP on the phone and he provided a prescription and it was my mum who went down to the doctor’s surgery to pick it up for me! I didn’t know what he had prescribed but it turned out to be ‘Buscopan’ which provides relief for the symptoms of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). I had never been diagnosed with IBS but it made sense. I still haven’t been formerly diagnosed because it’s not an everyday thing for me. It’s much more sporadic and seems to only happen in times of extreme stress.
Working with children who have been affected by trauma I am only too aware how your gut is connected to your mind. That means your emotions can have an impact on your stomach and vice versa. The pain lasted a good few days though. The tablets didn’t work instantly but I think they helped.
That was one of a number of episodes of me being ‘out of sorts’. Sometimes I just felt a little ‘off’ and didn’t feel right, other times it was more worrying. One of those times was very embarrassing. Like most parents of younger children I used to queue up everyday at my children’s primary school at home time. There were two entrances into the school for parents, one at the front and one at the back. The back one was more like an alleyway and a very tight space. We would all have to wait for the gate to be opened before going to our appropriate pick-up points. I’d been out for the day with a friend. It was a hot September day and I was wearing a vest top, short skirt and sandals, so in no way overdressed for the heat. I had felt fine all day but I do remember suddenly feeling ever so slightly nauseous as I got out of the car. It seemed to pass briefly while I made the short walk from my car to the school. I remember standing in the queue and by this time my body was glistening all over with sweat and I felt really weird. One of the mums who I knew, but not well, asked me if I was ok and as I tried to answer her my speech slurred and I couldn’t form a sentence. The next thing I found myself on the ground. I had passed out. I was mortified! Parents were having to step over me to get to their kids (I totally understood this) while the kind mum who had spoken to me stayed with me and another went to get help. I was eventually able to walk slowly with support into the school with one of the learning support assistants. She arranged for my youngest son to be brought to us. My poor little boy (seven at the time) was totally bewildered by the whole situation, bless him. The LSA (who incidentally was also a ‘mum friend’ from my older children) found me a bowl because I still felt sick and I just sat quietly while they contacted my husband. He came to collect me and on the way to the car I vomited twice. Luckily I was still carrying the sick bowl. I’ve mentioned before I’m almost phobic about being sick and I’m pretty sure I had managed to delay the inevitable for fear of doing it in front of anyone. I was already embarrassed enough. We went straight home and I laid down for a couple of hours and slowly returned to feeling normal again. My husband then had to arrange to pick up my car which was still parked in the church car park near the school!
In hindsight, with everything that was going on with mum I’m pretty sure that particular incident had also been brought on by stress.
To be continued…..
Hoping for a Happy Ever After 