Just after 10.00 pm on Thursday 10th November 2011 my dad called us to say mum had passed away. How could that be? It was far too soon! We hadn’t had time to process this. I was catapulted into a living nightmare. We were absolutely dumbfounded. Two of the children were awake and two were sound asleep. The two that were awake insisted on going back with us and it felt wrong to say they couldn’t so I called my neighbour who is also a close friend and she stayed at our house to keep an eye on the other two children who fortunately remained asleep until the next morning.
As soon as I had heard the sequence of events I was convinced mum had planned it that way. My aunts had suggested that my uncles take my dad for a beer to give him a break. They went to a pub in town which wasn’t far. My aunts were sitting in the lounge opposite mum’s bedroom watching TV and one of them had gone in to check on mum. Her beloved Whippet Kizzy was on the bed with her and she had gone. No fuss. I believe it was peaceful and painless. Most of the special people in her life had had a chance to say goodbye to her that day and she had made her last moments easier for her loved ones. Always thinking of others, consciously or not. I truly believe it was intentional.
I mentioned in an earlier story that I had my suspicions about mum’s alleged TIAs. When the last one happened which stayed with her for the remainder of her life, she was referred for a brain scan. She told us that everything was clear. At the time I was relieved and didn’t question it but since then I have had my doubts. I will never know the truth as it was her prerogative what she chose to share with us. I can’t help wondering if she was told something different that day and decided to keep it close to her chest. Dad and I have since noticed on older photos that mum’s right eye looked a bit odd on most of them. We looked at a few and both agreed that something may not have been quite right, maybe even before her second diagnosis. In hindsight it didn’t make sense that the third time would be a TIA as they typically don’t last more than 24 hours. She hadn’t had a full stroke so how was it anything to do with that? Similarly the symptoms of Bell’s Palsy do not match mum’s condition. There was also no treatment offered for it such as steroids which are usually prescribed.
Other incidents which might otherwise be considered insignificant also made me wonder about this. I remember talking about us all going to see ‘The Jersey Boys’ in London and she was very half-hearted about it. It was very out of character because mum shared my love of the theatre, particularly musicals. When I suggested possibles dates she was very evasive and seemed reluctant to discuss it. Did she know her time was running out…?
As soon as we arrived I went in to ‘see her’. Amongst all the sadness there was a tiny positive. Mum looked more beautiful than ever. Her skin had returned to a much more normal colour and her hands looked and felt like porcelain. Also to our surprise her face had returned to ‘normal’ – no disfigurement or distortion – just relaxed and unspoiled. Some people understandably would rather not see their loved ones after they have passed and would rather remember the last time they saw them alive. In different circumstances I probably would have felt the same but seeing her look so peaceful was a great comfort to me. Then I felt panicked. Had I told her enough that I loved her? Did I spend enough time with her when I had the chance or had I prioritised other things? I would never be able to talk to her again! It was so surreal.
We all sat around in complete shock that night. Dad and my uncles told us an uncanny story. Rewinding several years to the passing of my Nan. One of her favourite songs had been ‘Crazy’ by Patsy Cline. She passed her love of that song down to my mum and we all loved it. It was played at my nan’s funeral and was forever etched in our memories. We had a spiritual connection to the song and, no word of a lie, we ALWAYS heard it played somewhere whenever any of us were on holiday – either our family or both of my aunts’ families – and we would always tell each other we’d heard it. Well, on this particular night when the men were in the pub the song was played. I wonder if it was the exact moment of her passing as none of us really know when that was, only approximately. It does seem like an incredible coincidence but we like to think it was a sign that she had left us to be reunited with her beloved mum.
The GP had been called and had been to confirm the death. We then had to make a very difficult decision, whether to keep mum at home until the morning or to call the undertakers. There’s no right or wrong decision about this but it was my dad who should decide. He made the decision to have her taken away. This was completely new and unknown territory for me but it was all very dignified and respectful. I can’t explain the hollow feeling after she’d gone. It was unimaginable.
That was it….
We lost a beautiful angel that night but Heaven gained a very special one.
RIP MUM 💔
Hoping for a Happy Ever After 