I’ll See You in my Dreams

Friday 25th November – the day we said our last goodbye.

It was a sunny day – a sign maybe – and everything was organised. We’d had a lot of help. We’d had to book a double slot for the Crematorium in order to have the service just the way we wanted it.

I started off the day busying myself with the arrangements so I felt okay but just before we were all due to leave I had a mini meltdown and hid in my dad’s bathroom to try to compose myself. There is nothing like the sight of a hearse carrying a loved one to their final resting place. It absolutely breaks your heart. If there was one moment that made everything ‘real’ I would say it’s that one. I put myself back together again to leave and my lovely cousin hugged me on the doorstep and took me down the front steps to the car.

We just had one extra car for Dad, me, my siblings and my brother’s partner. There were only six spaces and someone needed to support our children so my husband took them separately.

I don’t know if it was nerves or what but we were all a big giggly in the car on the drive over. As we drove through Westham my brother’s partner said to my brother “I remember collecting you from that ditch once when you were off your face!” The rest of the story was hilarious! We wondered what on earth the undertakers at the front of the car must have thought of us all laughing hysterically on such a sombre occasion. Then we decided it was in fact very fitting that we were all laughing together because we know that would have made mum smile. She’d probably collected him from a few ditches herself over the years too!

However, once we reached the Crematorium the mood changed very suddenly. This was it. Deep breaths….

There was a huge queue of people waiting outside the chapel displaying an array of beautiful bright colours. As we got out of the car and prepared to follow mum in, my brother suddenly fell to his knees and sobbed. It was so sad. I think he’d held it all in until that point.

I’ve already mentioned the poems of the day but I haven’t said anything about the music choices. Mum had told dad what she wanted and her choices were perfect. She was a huge fan of Joe Brown and had seen him in concert more times than we could count. Her entrance was to Joe’s version of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’.

As well as mum’s choices, my brother and I each chose a song to be played. His choice may seem a bit strange to some but it was more appropriate than you’d think. My brother once proudly took my mum to an Ian Brown gig (lead singer of The Stone Roses) and she said she was the oldest person there! I doubt she looked it though. She loved it! He had fond memories of that occasion and chose “Shadow of a Saint”. The lyrics include the lines “I’m standing in the shadow of a Saint, I’ll stay beneath the wings of an angel”.

My choice was “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan. The lyrics of that song could be interpreted in many ways but “In the arms of an angel, May you find some comfort here” was the message from me. Such a beautiful song.

I had also organised for my friend’s daughter to sing at the service. Mum always loved to hear her sing at the shows and was a big fan. She has such a sweet, innocent voice. She was only 15 at the time and I was worried about asking her as it’s such a huge thing to sing at a funeral when the atmosphere is so emotional. I ran the idea past my friend first and she said she would ask her and to let her know I wouldn’t be upset if she felt she couldn’t. I wanted her to be able to decline without feeling bad. She agreed to do it though and they sorted out the soundtrack for us to pass on to the Celebrant. She sang the Beyoncé version of ‘Ave Maria’ and it was perfect. I don’t know how she did it but I’ll always be grateful to her for being brave enough. Part of me wishes it had been filmed because she sang it so beautifully. Then again some things are best nestled in our memories and it’s not as if we’d ever forget that moment.

The most emotional song for me was mum’s choice – “I’ll See You in my Dreams”. This song followed a Reading from Ecclesiastes 3, the Committal and Prayer of Thanks.

It’s a very old song, written in 1924, and has been covered many times. Mum of course loved the Joe Brown ukulele version. Before the funeral my cousin had very kindly created and printed little keepsake cards containing a stunning old photo of my mum sitting on a wall in Cyprus, the epitome of sixties chic, and the lyrics of the song on the flip side. That was a very touching gesture and the card has stayed safely in my purse ever since.

Lonely days are long

All the happiness that used to be

Twilight sings a song

Soon my eyes will close

Soon I’ll find repose

And in dreams, you’re always near to me

I’ll see you in my dreams

Hold you in my dreams

Someone took you out of my arms

Still I feel the thrill of your charms

Lips that once were mine

Tender eyes that shine

They will light my way tonight

I’ll see you in my dreams

Since that day I haven’t been able to get through listening to that without being in floods of tears. It’s beautiful though. If you’ve never heard that version I recommend you look it up. It was played as the curtains closed and as we all hoped we would indeed see her in our dreams.

The last song, another by Joe Brown, just music no lyrics – “Souvenir D’Alvito” was played as we all left the chapel.

The close family left first and we looked at the small collection of flowers. We had asked for family flowers only and donations for those who wished to do so for McCartney Day Unit at the Conquest Hospital where mum was treated. As we read the cards on the wreaths and bouquets we had a surprise moment of hilarity. Our seven year old had written on his card ‘Rest in peas Nanny’! As they say ‘out of the mouths of babes’ – the embodiment of innocence. Bless his little heart.

The reception was busy and full of many people who were special to mum. Dad had rigged up a slideshow of photos to the TV which played all day. It was both wonderful and painful to watch.

I believe mum would have been very pleased with her ‘send-off’ and proud of us all.

“All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother” – Abraham Lincoln

Loving you was easy…