My mum was 45 when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer.
I’d like to say I was only subconsciously aware of this as I approached the same age. On the contrary I was completely aware and it was often very clearly on my mind. I was 40 when I had a microdochetomy of my right breast (surgery for total duct excision) which was a bit of a scare. I was just over 40 when my mum got her diagnosis of secondary bone cancer. This was after my scare which is probably just as well as I think it would have been far more traumatic for us both if it had been later.
I was 43 when my mum passed away. She was 64 (secondary bone cancer diagnosed at aged 60), and I was two years younger than her initial diagnosis of primary breast cancer. Approaching the same age was like a milestone for me. I felt that if I could get past that age it would’ve already put me in a more favourable position than she had been and was a big sigh of relief. However, once into my fifties my thoughts turned to “my mum only had 14…13…12” years left of her life when she was ‘my age’. It was a difficult prospect to think about but, despite usually being a very positive and optimistic person, it hung around in a little pocket of my mind, occasionally giving me a prod.
My first routine mammogram just after I turned 50 was all fine. I can honestly say I didn’t give it much thought for the next three years as there were lots of distractions in that time, one being a worldwide pandemic. As we went into the autumn of 2021 I realised I was probably due my next screening but I hadn’t heard anything. I contacted my GP surgery and asked them if they were able to tell me when it was due. Unable to give me that information the receptionist gave me a contact number for the Breast Screening Service. I called them and they advised that my screening had been due in June 2021 but, due to Covid-19, they were running behind with appointments and I would be contacted soon. True to her word, I received an invitation a couple of weeks later to attend a screening in a mobile unit at my local leisure centre.
On 19th November 2021 I had my routine mammogram then got on with my busy life without too much concern. That is until I got the dreaded letter. I was being called back for further tests. The letter said that 4 in 100 women are called back for further tests and it doesn’t mean they definitely have breast cancer. Fewer than 1 in 10 women called back for more tests are found to have cancer. Often, it just means more mammograms or other tests (such as an ultrasound) need to be done to get a closer look at an area of concern. I tried to focus on that information but I also kept thinking “someone is the 1 in 10 and it could be me”. Who wouldn’t?
My appointment was on Thursday 2nd December at The Park Centre in Brighton. It was an afternoon appointment so I worked in the morning to take my mind off it. I got a call that morning, while I was working, from one of the nurses. She said it was to save a bit of time by completing some of the forms. First though she asked if I knew why I’d been called back then went on to explain that the mammogram had showed some calcifications.
Breast calcifications are small spots (deposits) of calcium in the breast – they are usually harmless. They don’t cause any symptoms and you can’t feel them. There are two types:
Macrocalcifications are sometimes called benign coarse calcifications. They can develop naturally as breast tissue gets older and are harmless. They are not linked with cancer and do not need treatment or monitoring. Macrocalcifications can develop in women of any age. But they are more common in women who have been through their menopause. They may be caused by calcium deposits in a cyst or in milk ducts as women get older, previous injuries to the breast or inflammation. Calcium in the diet does not cause calcifications.
Microcalcifications are tiny calcium deposits that show up as small white specks on a mammogram. They are usually found in an area of the breast where cells are being replaced more quickly than normal. They are not usually linked with cancer. But a group of them in one area of the breast (a cluster) may be a sign of pre-cancerous changes or early breast cancer.
The nurse explained that I would be having further tests including a biopsy. I became very emotional during the call as I hadn’t had a chance to prepare myself and it was a bit of a shock.
My daughter and her friend accompanied me for the journey to Brighton and they went off to spend a bit of time at the shops while I was at the centre as I wasn’t allowed to take anyone in with me (Covid restrictions). On the drive over I wasn’t concentrating properly and missed a turning which turned out to be a blessing in disguise as we went over a by-pass which showed that our original route was gridlocked! If we’d gone that way we never would have made the appointment time. At the time this felt like a sign that fate was on my side (trying to hold on to some hope). Parking was tricky but we managed to park in a residential street about a ten minute walk from the centre. The girls caught a train from Preston Park station into the city centre.
My first stress was locating the entrance of the building! Sounds simple but when your tummy is churning and your head is thumping with anxiety the panic sets in and everything suddenly becomes difficult. I eventually found the reception and walked up a couple of flights of stairs to a landing where there were some chairs. I sat for a while thinking someone would come and get me at some point then began to wonder if I was in the right place. I wasn’t of course! Having arrived a few minutes early I was now 15 minutes late! Nerves can do terrible things to your head! It was ok though. I was checked in and waited to be taken for what turned out to be quite a few tests!
Initially I had another mammogram and waited outside for the next bit. The apologetic mammographer came out shortly after and took me back in as she needed to do another one.
Next I met a sonographer for my ultrasound. For suspicious calcifications, a focused ultrasound is used to evaluate for an abnormality such as a mass. She was a lovely lady who explained that sometimes it is obvious whether the images are showing a benign or malignant presentation but there are also times when it is not so clear and a biopsy is needed to look deeper at the cells. In my case it was the latter. The area of concern was on the inside of my breast (between my nipple and my cleavage area). She also scanned my armpits and said they looked clear.
In order to carry out the biopsy they first had to do ANOTHER mammogram! A biopsy is when doctors remove a small piece of tissue or a sample of cells from an area of the body. This is then sent to a lab to be checked under a microscope. The sample can also be used to get more information about the type of cell the cancer started from. They can do different tests on the sample.
In my case it was a core needle biopsy where a hollow needle was used to take out pieces of breast tissue from the suspicious area. The needle was attached to a spring-loaded tool that moves the needle in and out of the tissue quickly. A thin needle was used first to put local anesthetic into the area to be biopsied and a small cut was then made in my breast. The biopsy needle is put into the breast tissue through this cut to remove the tissue sample.
I had to lie on my left side with my arm straight up above my head while my breast was clamped very tightly in the mammogram machine. Unlike the routine screening where it is relatively painless and over very quickly, I was in that position for around 20 minutes! I have a high pain threshold but I’ll be honest, it wasn’t pleasant. Surprisingly the small cut produced a lot of blood which the nurse had to continuously mop up and when the biopsy needle went in the retraction was like a staple gun! There was a loud click and a jolt within my breast. They took about 12 samples and said they had to go very deep, hence why it was so painful.
After they’d finished removing the tissue, they put a dressing over the cut. However, they realised that they had forgotten to do one more procedure and had to remove the dressing to do it. Again, they were very apologetic.
A tiny tissue marker (also called a clip) is put into the area where the biopsy is done. This marker will show up on mammograms or other imaging tests so the exact area can be located for further treatment (if needed) or follow up. You can’t feel or see the marker. It can stay in place and is safe during MRIs, and it will not set off metal detectors. This was inserted and again a dressing was applied. I then had to have YET ANOTHER mammogram to check the placement of the marker!
That was the end of my ordeal for that day. I was given an appointment to return for the results in two weeks – 15th December.
I was a bit tender but felt ok. I drove to The North Lanes and parked up to meet the girls. We had a little mooch in a few of my favourite shops which turned out to be lucky for me, not so lucky for my husband! One of my favourite shops is called ‘Collectif London’ who sell new vintage-style clothing. I had been in the shop just a few weeks earlier and fallen in love with a beautiful long black velvet coat. It was way above my budget at £160 so at that point it was just a dream! Well, would you believe it, that day the shop were selling ALL THEIR STOCK at 50% off! Pretty much a no-brainer but I still didn’t want to assume it was okay to spend that amount. I tried it on and my daughter said I had to get it! With that she FaceTimed my husband and said “Dad, look how beautiful this coat looks on mum! She’s had a horrible day and I think she should get it!” When it comes to fashion she’s definitely my closest ally! Of course he said yes! Believe me, it was money well spent! The coat is absolutely exquisite and timeless in its style. Convinced yet?! Well, I had been quite brave….
There’s a pretty village a few miles north of Hastings called Westfield and it is locally renowned for its impressive display of Christmas lights. Every year a lot of money is raised for a local hospice by people visiting and enjoying the festive atmosphere. The majority of the villagers take part and some go to tremendous efforts, adding to their lights and decorations year after year.
With all the stress and anxiety of my appointment I had forgotten that we had arranged our annual family outing to visit Westfield that evening. It meant it was a bit of a rush but we still went ahead and it was nice to do something fun with all of us. I was already learning to enjoy the good moments…..
I was pre-warned that the biopsy was likely to result in some pretty heavy bruising. Despite the warning though, I wasn’t prepared for how spectacular that bruising was! It was black, green, yellow, blue, purple….and needless to say quite painful for a few days before eventually disappearing after a good couple of weeks. It had been a brutal but necessary procedure.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters” – Epictetus (a stoic Greek philosopher).
To be continued…..
Hoping for a Happy Ever After 