As we got closer to my surgery date we had a couple of significant events which I had prayed I could do.
Before I talk about those though, I had a very distressing situation to deal with. It was just before my foster brother’s wedding on 26th June. The men all took my brother out for stag drinks on the Friday night and us hens opted for a more quiet affair, a girls’ night in with face masks, drinks and nibbles.
I need to give this story some background though. In October 2015 I had to have emergency repair for one of my top front teeth. It had cracked and there was an almost perfect square missing at the bottom. Not massive but big enough to cause a huge amount of anxiety. Not only did I look like I’d been in a pub brawl but it was very sharp and left little cuts on my tongue. I managed to get an urgent appointment and had it repaired with composite bonding to fill it at what I thought, as a private patient, was a reasonable cost of £50. It felt strange for a bit but at least it was sorted and looked okay. Or so I thought….I’m not going to bore you with the years of anguish, not all the time but what seemed quite regularly, that I’d endured due to the repair not holding, having to get it redone or filed. I was told the original damage was most likely just due to wear and tear as my teeth were generally in good condition but the life of the individual repairs should have been at the very least two years. After two additional repairs, free of charge (on the first occasion), the whole thing broke away again a couple of years on. By this time I was four new dentists on and the practice had been taken over by Bupa Dental Care. The latest dentist seemed very keen to spend my money and, although he was friendly enough, I never really warmed to him. However, he managed to fit me in and do the repair. I explained the issues I’d had with repeated appointments to redo additional repairs and he said “Don’t worry, that won’t happen with me. I’ll do a good job”. So he did this second repair at a cost of £175! Gulp! I know costs increase over time but £125 in two years! That’s over three times the original fee. What could I do though? So it was done and I hoped I wouldn’t have to go back after the reassurance it would be a better job. Well, guess what? Two weeks later I was back there. I had felt gritty bits and a kind of elastic substance in my mouth on a few occasions. Fearing it was crumbling again, I went back. However, far from being apologetic or sympathetic, the dentist pretty much interrogated me! He was obviously looking for a way to blame me for the failure rather than his workmanship. He even asked me if I grind my teeth! I replied confidently that this had never been suggested and that normally it is something a dentist would observe and tell you about. I know this as my son had to have a night guard to protect his teeth for that very reason. He did the repair and, I felt reluctantly, didn’t charge me but the whole experience had put me off him. I stayed with the practice though and had a check up and a hygienist appointment once it was possible to go after the pandemic.
If you judge a book by its cover, you might miss out on an amazing story.
The most recent time was just a few months after my last check-up and I started to feel uneasy about it on that Friday. Although it hadn’t actually crumbled at that point, I know the signs and knew it was just a matter of time. With the wedding in just two days and a holiday booked just after that I was in a panic. I avoided eating all evening and couldn’t stop worrying about it. The next morning, the day before the wedding, we had a mad panic to try to get an appointment. I called an emergency number that had been given out on an answerphone message as it was a Saturday and was told it was not classed as an emergency because I wasn’t in any pain. I got to the point where I would have been prepared to beg! In the end my husband suggested looking up cosmetic dentistry. I said it would probably cost the earth and he just said we’ve got to get it sorted so let’s just phone up and see what we can get. We found one in Willingdon, Eastbourne and my husband called them. The call was to a mobile and was answered by the actual dentist. He didn’t ask many questions, not even my name, but gave us a time to go over there. My husband said it did all seem a bit bizarre and casual but we were desperate. I called a friend of mine who has worked for the Dental Practice Board in Eastbourne for years to see if she knew this dentist as I know she had previously been involved in investigations. Unfortunately she didn’t know him and was no longer working in that department. So I went to good old ‘Trustpilot’ to see what the reviews were like. They were all glowing and very complimentary and there were no negative ones so, assuming they were genuine, it gave us some reassurance.
We arrived at the practice in good time and there was no-one at the reception desk so we just waited. After a few minutes the dentist came out to greet us and take me round to the treatment room. He invited my husband to come too. He was a man of few words and had a really gentle approach. I asked him if he thought it would make sense for me to have a crown fitted as I had had so much trouble but he said the rest of my teeth were good and I would have to have both of my front teeth capped as the colour difference would be too obvious and wouldn’t look right. His view was that it was better to repair the tooth. I really appreciated his honesty as he could have jumped straight on that query and got considerably more money out of me. I couldn’t help thinking that if it had been my regular dentist he would have been rubbing his hands together in glee at the prospect of some costly cosmetic work. I had not enquired about the cost of that particular appointment prior to the treatment so we had no idea what we were going to be charged. He spent about 45 minutes carrying out the treatment and it was an emergency weekend appointment so we were expecting to pay a premium. We were very pleasantly surprised when he charged £125, £50 less than I had paid four years previously.
I think what resonated with me more than anything was the overall ‘feel’ of the place. The Bupa practice I was registered with is very business like and ostentatious, the kind of place where you feel like you’re making it untidy just by being there! In contrast, the Eastbourne practice could have done with a bit of attention in terms of the decor. There’s no question that it wasn’t clean but it was far less clinical and, in my opinion, much more inviting. Everything about the experience inspired us to consider a change. We were so impressed we called up the following week and asked to both be taken on as new patients. As we were already private patients this wasn’t a problem. We were allocated to a female colleague of the dentist we had seen, a lovely Finnish lady. So far I have only had an initial consultation with her but I really liked her. Again her treatment room wasn’t fancy but it was very inviting. Rather than stark walls or pretentious pictures, there were lots of children’s drawings around the room. I felt like we were going to be in safe, kind hands.
“And all is not golden that glitters, and not all that glitters is gold” – Aloysius Charles Swinburne
So, the day of the family wedding that we had all very much been looking forward to arrived. It was at The Hydro Hotel in Eastbourne. The setting was absolutely stunning, on a terrace with a backdrop of the sea. A beautifully decorated pagoda was the centre of the marriage ceremony with a string quartet playing. The weather was perfect and it was a truly happy occasion, not least because we shared the day with family. I am 12 years older than my brother and he joined our family at just five months old so I was as much a second mum to him as a big sister.
When we first walked out to the terrace I had a ‘moment’ and shed a few tears. My mum would have been so proud and happy to see her ‘baby boy’ finally getting married.
Everything about the day was wonderful but my brother’s speech was absolutely heartfelt. He’s always been very shy and quiet so public speaking really isn’t within his comfort zone but it was such a personal account of how he met his ‘future wife’ and he completely wore his heart on his sleeve. It was also very funny in places. Other speeches came from work colleagues/friends and it was evident that they all held him in high regard and were delighted that, at the age of 42, he was finally marrying the love of his life.
My brother has lived with his birth mother for several years now. He moved up to London and settled with her. Out of respect for the family I won’t talk about the background but it had been a private fostering arrangement and he was never in the care of the local authority. He saw his birth mum a few times a year so, although they didn’t have a close relationship while he was growing up, she wasn’t a stranger to him either. After my mum passed away I think it was good for him to get to know his Ghanaian family better.
His mum and one of her sisters attended the wedding, as well as a couple of their friends. They wore traditional outfits to the ceremony and brought a plethora of colour to the day. In the evening they ramped up the glamour another notch and all looked absolutely amazing in stunning evening gowns. They could have been backing singers for Shirley Bassey!
There was a lovely moment during the day when his birth mum came over to me and my dad and said she wanted to thank us all for the way we had all looked after him and how grateful she was for the lovely man he is today. From our point of view the pleasure had been all ours but it was really touching to hear that from her.
I particularly loved the multicultural feeling of the day with guests from all different aspects of my brother’s life. One of his friends proudly wore traditional Nigerian attire and looked really cool. It was such a fun wedding with the coming together of two very different family backgrounds and friends of the couple.
Later on there was a disco and the stunning bride had changed into a shorter white bridal dress. They had a very cute and romantic first dance as husband and wife and we all danced right up to the end of the evening.
My family have always been massively into music, all of the generations and, in particular, my cousins who we party with regularly. As we were waiting and being served food, the string quartet had repositioned themselves in the area of the wedding breakfast to continue entertaining us. The music was more pop than classical now and really good. They played a rendition of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ and my cousins started singing along. Before we knew it loads of the guests had joined in. This continued throughout the meal and even the musicians couldn’t help smiling! When it was time for them to leave they got a standing ovation with everyone whooping and cheering. As they walked past, one of them said ‘best wedding we’ve ever played at!’ Far from being embarrassed about the behaviour of my family I felt huge pride in their enjoyment in the small things and that’s why I always love spending time with them! Never a dull moment when we all get together!
“Music has the power to bring people together like no other art form” – Michael Franti
With such a rough few months behind me and more to come, this was the perfect occasion for me to appreciate my amazing family and let my hair down for a few hours. Not that I could ever forget but it was also a reminder that, amongst all the fear and anguish, I am incredibly blessed to have so many amazing people in my life.
Behind you, all your memories. Before you, all your dreams. Around you, all who love you. Within you, all you need.
Hoping for a Happy Ever After 