Lisahammond

Take More Chances, Dance More Dances

Since our daughter was a toddler, dancing has been a big part of our lives. She started at a local dance school for baby ballet aged two and a half and danced for the rest of her childhood. We lived in a whirlwind of dance classes, rehearsals, festivals (competitions), shows and showcases. A dancer’s world is also a plethora of costumes, shoes, hair accessories, make-up, Lycra, bows, frills and sequins! It was fun, rewarding and incredibly stressful! She was so disorganised and scatty (still is) and I lost count of the number of hairbrushes, pins and hairnets I had to buy. There was always a strop from at least one of us about forgetting to take something important and having to either go back home or ask someone to pick something up for us or beg and borrow from other dancers.

In class she was her teachers’ worst nightmare! She had potential but was always distracted and a lot of the time she didn’t listen. I was always amazed how she pulled it out of the bag at exam times or on stage but, believe me, there were mortifying moments. Like the time she was in a group called ‘Bakerloo’ which featured songs relating to stations on the London Underground Bakerloo line, such as Baker Street, Warwick Avenue, Waterloo etc. The dance ended with ‘The Lambeth Walk’ in which her costume included a brown skirt with white spots on (which had been painstakingly put on by a very patient costume maker). The dance involved quite a few costume changes and imagine my horror when my daughter appeared on stage wearing a plain brown skirt. She had it on inside out! You could hear the tutting from the dance teacher’s mum who organised the costumes for everyone (and was fierce and didn’t hold back with her opinions!) from a mile off!

However, whatever she lacked in perfection she always made up for in personality and character. She’s always been such a bubbly girl and has a sparkling smile which, personally, I think is more enjoyable to watch than a perfect dancer who doesn’t draw you in. The trouble is, for those festivals it was mostly about technique and synchronisation. Presentation and likability is obviously a factor but unfortunately you need it all to get the top marks.

She took part in a number of festivals throughout the year which were all in the South East. In the early days they included Orpington and Brighton. Brighton Festival was held at the infamous private girls school, Roedean. Unfortunately it was held in the theatre not the main school so we didn’t get to be nosy! Other locations were Hastings, Ore, Tunbridge Wells and Epsom.

My mum used to regularly come along to watch and we would chat ten to the dozen on the journey. The journey became so automatic that once we were chatting away on our way to Epsom and found ourselves at the Dartford Tunnel which was past our junction for turning off the M25! We had no choice but to pay the toll to go through the tunnel, find a route to go back on ourselves and pay again to go over the Queen Elizabeth II bridge! Were we worried? Of course not, we just laughed hysterically! As if it wasn’t bad enough doing that once, we only went and did it another time! What a pair!

I also remember another occasion when we got stuck in a massive queue that came to a standstill due to a bad accident. Initially we didn’t move for quite some time. It was a hot July day and the girls got out and were dancing next to the car! We had two extras travelling with us. There were lots of other parents in the same situation at various points in the hold-up and none of us actually made it in time for the group’s slot because we were sent back in the opposite direction. They actually closed off one of the carriageways and we had to drive the wrong way down it. It was really weird and a bit disconcerting to drive on the wrong side of a major motorway. By that point it would have been an impossible feat to get to the theatre on time.

The dance school had more than its fair share of success due to the amazing talent and hard work of their teacher but she always congratulated her dancers regardless of the result (far from the shenanigans of ‘Miss Abby Lee Miller’ in ‘Dance Moms’ – the Mrs Trunchbull of the dance world!).

There is an annual show called ‘Born to Perform’ which is a mixture of established festival dances and new dances specific to the show. All of the dance pupils are given a chance to take part from the ‘babies’, who always bring such delight at the beginning of the show, to the ‘seniors’ There are months of rehearsals and costume fittings including whole weekends of organised chaos! The children love it and the excitement is off the scale as the show draws closer. On the actual days of the shows they are bursting at the seams to show off their hard work. Parents take turns to chaperone in the dressing rooms and supervise and help younger children with costume changes, as well as keeping the particularly young ones entertained (quietly!) backstage. For the dancers those shows will hold special memories that last forever.

Each year the school holds a ‘showcase’ for families to attend. There is always a line of several tables weighed down with the trophies and cups achieved that year. The programmes are a selection of dances that won or were placed at various festivals and consisted of solos, duets, small and big groups of various ages. There is also a prize-giving ceremony where medals and cups are awarded to acknowledge different achievements such as perseverance, endeavour, personality, most improved and so on.

Some of the cups are donated and dad and I thought it would be nice to have one in mum’s memory. So in 2013 we chose a nice little silver cup and named the award after her as a memorial with her name engraved on it. It felt like a very fitting tribute after all the years of being part of her beloved grand-daughter’s dance journey.

When she started at secondary school our daughter got involved in the school productions. An ex-West End performer led most of the productions that she took part in and she had an incredible experience learning from a true professional. They did Sweeney Todd, Oklahoma, Jesus Christ Superstar and Grease to name a few. With a taste of the wider musical theatre world she took GCSE performing Arts and was awarded the ‘Music and Performance’ cup at her Year 11 prize-giving ceremony. A very proud moment.

When it came to choosing her college course I have to admit we did have a bit of a battle. She wanted to do the Level 3 Diploma in Performing Arts but I felt that A’Levels would give her wider opportunities in the future. We had many an argument over this with her exclaiming “You don’t believe in me!” and “You don’t think I’m good enough!” etc. On the contrary I believed in her greatly and my reasoning was what I thought was in her best interests. I worried that performers often have long periods of being out of work, lots of disappointment and a low income if work isn’t consistent. However, it was her choice not mine and she was set on doing it. In the end, she had a ball! She loved every minute of the two years, achieved distinctions across the board and had the time of her life. Nothing could take that away from her. She took it all very seriously and worked extremely hard. The performances we went to watch her in were all fantastic. Our highlight was when she had the main role of ‘Cinderella’ in the Christmas pantomime. She looked so beautiful on the stage and sang like an angel. I know, I’m completely biased but I was so proud.

I can now see the benefits of this type of course and how it helps to build up some really good skills. I’ve heard that employers like ‘performers’ because they are confident and resilient. She has proved this time and time again in her work life. She worked for two years in a residential home for adults with learning disabilities. She had amazing relationships with the residents and they loved her energy and zest for fun. At the same time she took her role seriously and tended to their specific needs working her way up to a senior role with additional responsibilities. She now cares for children with complex medical needs, certainly a job that requires a special kind of person with bucket loads of patience, care, empathy and commitment.

She may not have pursued a career in the entertainment world but it will never be a waste. Nothing can take away the wonderful experiences she had. The camaraderie amongst the dancers was something to behold. They were like a second family and had so much fun together. She didn’t have a lot of time for anything else but she was constantly active and not hanging about the streets aimlessly during her young teenage years. I always knew she was safe and doing what she loved.

At just under 5’ 2” she is petite and I wouldn’t say she is particularly elegant or demure (I think she would agree!) but she has a wonderful posture and a lovely straight back. With three brothers she had to be tough and a bit of a tomboy. Having said that I think she struggled with which she would rather be at times. I distinctly remember at the age of around three taking her into town with me and she was dressed in a pink fairy costume and ‘Action Man’ wellies! As for her physical capabilities, she was fiercely determined and could climb huge trees from a young age with little fear or awareness of risk! Her height rarely deterred her from being able to join in either. We used to regularly take all the children to the big theme parks and she was such a daredevil, wanting to go on all the big scary rides, so much so that once she wore ‘Heelys’ (the trainers with wheels in the soles) to reach the minimum height requirement on the measuring sticks at each ride!

Hobbies are a wonderful way to promote discipline and confidence but are mostly intended to be enjoyable. I have no doubt that this goal was achieved in spades. Her dance journey brought us all, but particularly me and my mum, endless hours of pleasure.

“Dance like nobody’s watching” – Satchel Paige.

2012 – A Very British Year

2012 was a very eventful year for Great Britain with an abundance of celebrations.

The year marked the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, 60 years since her accession to the throne in 1952. The only other diamond jubilee of any of our Queen’s predecessors to ever be celebrated was in 1897 for Queen Victoria.

Just as a little aside, I have watched all of the Netflix series of ‘The Crown’ and discovered a personal connection to the sad passing of George VI. At the time of the King’s death the then Princess Elizabeth was away in Kenya as part of a tour of the Commonwealth. On hearing the news she flew home immediately. In the series, following a refuel, they showed her boarding a plane at RAF El Adem in Tobruk, the military base where I was born in Libya as a result of my dad being stationed there some years later. It’s a tenuous link and may seem rather trivial but it was exciting for me to hear an interesting fact about my birth place! When I told my dad, he hadn’t known either! Another interesting fact is that when my poor mum went into labour with me she was literally rushed across the desert in a Jeep to the military hospital which ensured that I would be born on British territory and be assigned British Citizenship rather than Libyan! Consequently I have two birth certificates – one scribed in Arabic and the other in English!

There was a magnificent Diamond Jubilee equestrian pageant at Windsor, featuring 550 horses and 26 of the Queen’s fellow sovereigns from all over the world were invited to a special lunch with her.

The main event on the Jubilee weekend was a spectacular river parade, involving a 1,000-strong flotilla which sailed from Putney Bridge to Canary Wharf. All the Royal Family, assorted VIPs and celebrities were scattered across various boats while the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh were in pride of place on the Spirit Of Chartwell.

More than a million people lined the banks to watch but unfortunately the typical British weather made it a cold and wet event for everyone. Once the rain started it was relentless. Despite the torrential downpours, the Queen refused to go below deck and remained in view for her people. By the end of this delightfully eccentric event more than 20 people had to be hospitalised with Hypothermia. They were joined later by the Duke of Edinburgh who had contracted a bladder infection. Sadly, it meant the Queen was without her ‘strength and stay’ for the rest of the long weekend.

There was of course a star-studded line-up for the Diamond Jubilee concert with the spectacular backdrop of Buckingham Palace. All organised by the wonderful Gary Barlow, it was a mixture of iconic artists such as Elton John, Tom Jones, Kylie Minogue, Paul McCartney, Shirley Bassey, Robbie Williams and Cliff Richard to name a few, as well as newer artists at the time such as Ed Sheeran and Jessie J. The most memorable for me was Madness performing ‘Our House’ from the top of Buckingham Palace with an impressive light show which lit up the whole building. Prince Charles made a speech addressing the Queen, once again, with what is now a somewhat familiar introduction – “Your Majesty…. Mummy” before the National

Anthem was sung! As part of the Grand Finale the Queen lit the last National Beacon, followed by a firework display, accompanied by several patriotic songs and hymns in true British style with the dutiful waving of Union Jack flags and the usual revelry and excitement!

That same summer Great Britain proudly hosted the Olympics and, competitively, it turned out to be GB’s most successful games in recent times. As part of the opening ceremony, the Queen ended up in a starring role herself in what was unquestionably the non-sporting highlight of the Games – her appearance in a spoof video at the opening ceremony. Daniel Craig starred alongside her in the video which showed his character, James Bond, being summoned to Buckingham Palace before skydiving into the Olympic Stadium with the Queen! The actor later said that the Queen was “fun and incredibly game”. It was certainly entertaining and I have no doubt will remain an iconic and memorable part of our country’s history.

Prior to the opening of the games there was of course the journey of the Olympic torch and Bexhill residents were delighted to be part of the final 10 days countdown to the London Games. On July 17th, I went down to the seafront with a group of friends to cheer on actor and comedian Eddie Izzard, who is also now known and hugely respected for being a marathon enthusiast, having completed 32 marathons in 31 days raising £275,000 for charity. Eddie was part of a relay team which carried the beacon from Pevensey to Bexhill, where he grew up. He is regularly spotted in the area and is always friendly and pleasant to members of the public who are excited to meet him so he was the perfect torch bearer for our little seaside town.

I was fortunate enough to get tickets to the first of the BT London Live Concert series. My cousin had tickets but sadly was unable to go and had to sell her tickets which, in turn, was very lucky for me and the friend who went with me.

The concert was held on 27th July in Hyde Park and kicked off the series with each artist/band representing each of the British nations – 1980s band Duran Duran flew the flag for England, the Stereophonics for Wales, Paolo Nutini for Scotland and Snow Patrol for Northern Ireland, all favourites of mine. In fact, Duran Duran was my first ever concert with my school friends at the Brighton Centre when I was 15! The concert was held simultaneously with the Opening Ceremony of the Games and the big screen was used intermittently to show snippets of the ceremony. The Stereophonics faced the tough task of following the live screening of Danny Boyle’s spectacular production. Of course, we were never in any doubt – they are rock legends and absolutely smashed it! There was one poignant moment for me when a video montage, showing a memorial of loved ones who had passed away, was displayed on the screen. I wish I had known and had included my mum in the slideshow. It was so moving as the crowd of thousands remained silent to pay their respects. My intuitive friend gently put her arm around me knowing that this would be particularly emotional for me only months after the loss of my mum. We stayed the night with another cousin who has a flat in Notting Hill. She had gone to the actual Opening Ceremony the same night and had an amazing time.

The same year I discovered the delights of the Radio 2 ‘Festival in a Day’. It has been held annually since 2011 and in that time my best friend and I have been to all but the very first one and 2014. Our first was in 2012 then we went in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019! Due to Covid-19, 2020 was a live event but artists performed without an audience and it was broadcast on TV.

It’s the perfect festival if you don’t want to go hardcore with camping, massive venues and skanky toilets and shower blocks! Like other festivals though it has a line-up of different genres including folk, country, soul, rock and jazz, with a headline act, and attracts all ages. We have loved every one and after a couple of years started meeting up with some of my cousins and other friends for the day, either on the train travelling up to London or meeting them there. The first time we went there were three adults and two teenagers. The kids enjoyed it as much as we did and got a chance to see Jessie J (for a fraction of the cost!). Our first headline act was Tom Jones and subsequent years were Smokey Robinson, Rod Stewart, Elton John, Take That, Kylie Minogue and Pet Shop Boys. There are too many artists to list all the ones we have seen but there have been a few particularly memorable moments, like the time that James Blunt crowdsurfed past our heads! Then there was the unexpected appearance of Jason Donovan during Kylie’s headline set. He was backstage watching Kylie and she got him on the stage for ‘Especially For You’! You could see it was spontaneous and unrehearsed as, if I’m honest, he did look a bit like a rabbit in headlights! It turns out he had cycled to the event just to say hello to her! I also loved the Pet Shop Boys being joined on stage by Olly Alexander – it was fabulously camp, flamboyant and totally bonkers! Another act we always look forward to is Craig Charles’ DJ set – aka the ‘party’ slot. Without fail he always manages to energise the crowd and get everyone up dancing to classic ‘tuuunes’! Finally, Sir Terry Wogan who had always been a big part of Radio 2 and was involved in the festival sadly passed away in January 2016. That year there was a very moving tribute to him which brought fond memories and tears to our eyes.

I’m 2019, for the first time we decided to go to the Radio 2 ‘Proms in the Park’. This is held on the Saturday of the same weekend. It was lots of fun but strangely felt quite different from the Sunday one. The doors were opened much earlier than advertised and by the time we’d got in, there were very few places to sit. Unlike the Sunday where, within a certain distance of the stage, you have to remain standing and are not allowed to sit on a blanket or a chair (most people do anyway), there were no restrictions and groups formed big circles with large areas of space within the circles meaning there was less capacity for finding an available spot to sit. The further back you go the easier it is to find somewhere but we like to be in the hub of the atmosphere and be able to watch mostly the stage rather than screens. We were patriotically dressed in red, white and blue and had all sorts of regalia such as the obligatory flags and garlands! The line-up is a mix of easy listening and classical but there was nothing sedate about the event! The ‘Rock Choir’ did a performance and there were members all around the park identified by their t-shirts who proudly joined in from where they were sitting or standing, like a flash mob. I loved The Kingdom Choir, Lighthouse Family, Michael Ball, and duets from Aled Jones and Russell Watson. Jack Savoretti made us swoon with his brooding good looks and beautiful soulful voice. Not forgetting, of course, the usual ‘pomp and circumstance’ of the proms with renditions of ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ and ‘Rule, Britannia!’ The atmosphere was buzzing!

My best friend had planned to give me money for my birthday towards a ticket for Robbie Williams in Hyde Park that summer but the cost was so extortionate we decided not to book, both having seen him live previously. I can’t remember how we managed to go from Robbie to the Proms concert but we agreed we both fancied it. The line-up for the Radio 2 events is usually announced daily in the week leading up to the day the tickets are released, leaving the headline act until that day. There is always a lot of speculation about who it might be. We really had to laugh when they announced that year was Barry Manilow! I mean, I don’t mind shimmying and shaking to a bit of ‘Copacabana’ but I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the big man! “For your birthday I’ll give you money towards a ticket to see Barry Manilow” said no friend of mine ever. Oh wait…..she unwittingly did!

We have seen around 70 live music acts in all with Radio 2 but, more importantly, we have made some of the best memories and met lots of lovely people. It’s so laid back, brilliantly organised, no pushing and shoving, just lots of chilling out and enjoying great music. It’s something I would definitely recommend.

In December we had a family day out at ‘Winter Wonderland’ in Hyde Park. My dad joined the six of us and we travelled up to London. The kids loved all the rides and I had pre-booked some of the attractions, including ice skating. It started off really well and I felt more confident than I’ve ever been on the ice. While we skated my dad went for a drink with two of my cousins who we had met up with there. My husband and I took turns to support our youngest son who was only nine and not very confident on the ice. Unfortunately he started to stumble and my first instinct was to break his fall. As I did so I went down really hard and landed on my bottom on the rock hard surface. At first the impact literally took my breath away. Two of the assistants on the ice came over to me very quickly to help me up but I had to stop them while I caught my breath. I felt like I’d been winded. Eventually I allowed them to help me up and for some time I leaned over the surrounding barrier of the rink until I felt able to leave the ice. I somehow managed to take off my skates and put on my shoes then we made our way to some seating just outside of the rink to wait for my dad and cousins. I sat with my head on my arms on the table and actually passed out! It must have been delayed shock. Once I’d composed myself there must have been a surge of adrenalin because I managed to continue to get through the afternoon and the pain eased off for a bit.

I don’t know how I did it but I went to work that week despite the fact that getting in and out of the bath was agonising and I could barely get my socks or shoes on. My job involves quite a bit of driving and I carried on as normal. I genuinely thought I had just bruised my coccyx. I damaged my coccyx when I was a teenager and I already knew how uncomfortable it can be. In reality though, this was a whole new level of pain. By the following weekend my resolve weakened and I had to admit defeat. My husband took me to A&E where my spine was x-rayed. The images showed a hairline fracture on the sacrum. The upper part of the sacrum connects with the lumbar vertebra (pelvic area) and is situated above the coccyx. The doctor was more than a little surprised that it had taken me so long to get it checked! I know I have a high pain threshold (four children…..!) but I may have gone a little too far in proving the point on this occasion! Unfortunately there wasn’t anything they could do to help me. The advice was that it would heal on its own and to take painkillers. I’m happy to say the pain eventually went and I haven’t had any long term suffering. Very occasionally I get a dull throb but at my age it just gets lost in all the other aches and pains reminding me I’m no Jayne Torvill and any hopes of Olympic success were dashed on that fateful day! I haven’t been on the ice since, unless you count the occasional slippy pavement….

“Keep Calm and Carry On!”

In Loving Memory

When a funeral has been held, the real sense of loss kicks in. Distractions don’t last forever, sooner or later ‘normal’ life has to resume. But this would be a ‘new’ life and would take a lot of adjustment. Nothing was going to be quite the same again.

The first big step was returning to work. I’d been in my job for over 6 years yet I felt like it was my first day. I had been off for just over two weeks but it felt like a lifetime. I don’t know whether it’s the shock or just the situation in general but my confidence had been knocked sideways. The biggest step is getting there and I am fortunate to be part of a very supportive team who were very gentle with me.

The main feeling is a sense of being in a ‘grief bubble’ where life carries on as normal for everyone outside of that bubble and all you can do is try to get through each day (hour, minute, second….) the best way that you can.

There’s obviously never a good time to be bereaved but weeks before Christmas is just another big punch in the gut. Mum and Dad had always met up with my aunts and uncles at some point before Christmas and I said I’d be happy to go up to Bedfordshire with him if he wanted me to. Mum and I had spent an evening a few weeks previously choosing Christmas presents for all her great-nieces and great-nephew and I had sorted out an order for her. We ordered personalised colouring pencil sets for all of them. The package arrived and we didn’t do anything with it at the time because mum was so poorly and there was so much going on. So we pretty much forgot about them until we’d made the arrangements to deliver them all. The funny thing was my dad had wrapped them all up oblivious to the fact that they had individual names on them and had just put random gift tags on them!! Bless him, he tried! It made us laugh but I did have to check and re-wrap some of them! It was lovely to see the family but of course tainted with the massive void of one of the three sisters (and best friend) not present.

Dad and I made an appointment with the crematorium to discuss our plans for mum’s memorial. She had not specified any requests for her ashes so we made the decision to have them scattered at the crematorium. My Nan had passed away in 1999 and there was a record of which of the gardens of remembrance her ashes were scattered in so the most appropriate thing would be to sprinkle mum’s ashes in the same place, reuniting her with her beloved mum. It wasn’t something I had ever given any thought to but personally I don’t think we would particularly have wanted to store them in an urn. Don’t get me wrong, it’s right for many people but not for us. I preferred the idea of the two ladies I had loved most in the world being together again.

The next decision was what type of memorial we would like. After much deliberation we opted for a bronze kerb plaque with raised lettering. These are fixed on terracotta kerbs in various locations of the Garden of Remembrance. Ours simply states mum’s full name with dates and says “Lovingly Remembered and Missed by her Family”. We purchased this for a ten year period.

The Book of Remembrance is the only permanent form of memorial. It provides the opportunity to create a very personal commemoration using your own choice of words. Lines are inscribed in black ink and the initial letter of the surname is illuminated in gold. The Book is in eight volumes, two for each quarter and four pages are allocated to each day. The volumes are displayed in closed glass-topped cabinets and are open at the appropriate date every day.

Inscriptions are usually entered to mark the anniversary of death but you may choose any other meaningful date if you wish. We chose to have two very simple lines “Died 2011. Dearly loved, greatly missed.” Rather than the anniversary of her passing we chose mum’s birthday, 4th May, as the date of her entry. The pages of the book are turned over every day so each year on her birthday we are able to view that page.

I found ‘dates’ particularly difficult in that first year. I’ve got one of those calendars with the blocks that you turn over each day and, for the first few months at least, I hated changing it because each time I did I was getting further away from when I had my mum in my life. For the first year you can say “this time last year we were…..” and then once you’ve marked the first anniversary you can no longer say that. It’s really just futile psychology but it also reaffirms how important the memories you make are. In time they become less painful and you can remember fondly rather than sadly.

This also brings me on to ‘firsts’. The ‘first’ everything is really hard and I found the build-up to certain dates incredibly tough. Our first ‘first’ was Christmas. All I can say is thank goodness we had children because that prevented us from retreating into our grief and forcing us to celebrate in the best way we could. Before that though two of our sons had birthdays in early December – one was 8 and another 14, on consecutive days – 5th and 6th. In particular we made a lot of fuss of our youngest as he was so completely bewildered with the situation. We went to McDonald’s with some close friends and made a fuss of him. The older birthday boy sought comfort in his own friends.

Christmas itself felt like a bit of a chore for the adults but we cracked on with it. We know it’s what mum would have wanted so we owed it to her to do the best we could. She was like ‘Mrs Christmas’ and had absolutely loved all the shenanigans! The previous year she had been very poorly and it wasn’t great. I remember we all chipped in with the cooking and did a reasonable job but mum felt too unwell to join us at the table and spent much of the day snoozing on the sofa. But at least we had her there with us then.

Christmas 2011 was a surreal time for us and, for the most part, we just went through the motions for the sake of the children. None of us could bear the thought of sitting around the dinner table without mum so, for one year only, we decided to create a ‘new’ Christmas memory. We booked to have our dinner at a local Indian restaurant. My best friend, her husband and their son joined us. It was certainly different and some of us had Indian cuisine while others had a traditional roast. It ticked a box, no more no less, and we got through the day.

On Boxing Day of the same year we all went over to my cousin’s house. They are also a big family and we are all very close. We enjoyed some laughs, raised a glass and did a lot of reminiscing.

I’m not sure which is more tough, Christmas or New Year. Going into a new year was just another psychological hurdle. We were moving into 2012 and leaving mum behind in 2011. It was almost incomprehensible to us that she would never do anything with us again. Fortunately one of my friends who had become quite close to my parents held a party for her 40th birthday which was on 1st January and invited all of us, including some of our extended family. New Year’s Eve can be a difficult one when you have children who are too young to take ‘out out’ and I’m sure most families in that situation would agree that it’s a long old night waiting around for the clock to strike midnight when you’re at home with just your own immediate family. The party was the perfect way for all our friends to celebrate together and be able to include all of our children who ranged in age from infant school to older teenagers. I don’t need to be already feeling sad for a rendition of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ to set me off and just a few notes of bagpipes can reduce me to an emotional wreck! So yes, there were tears but it was also a good night and I think we all relaxed a bit with the help of some alcohol!

The ‘firsts’ continued and next was Mother’s Day. I was reminded more than once that I am also a mum and that my children would want to show me that they think I’m special too. So I took flowers to the Crematorium and wrote in the visitors book which I have done at every visit other than during Covid when they removed the book and pen for safety. Once I had paid my respects to mum I enjoyed a day with my own children.

Next was own my birthday. My husband had made a really good effort and took me up to London for a surprise. I really didn’t have a clue what he had planned, only that I had to dress up smart. He took me for dinner at ‘The Ritz’ followed by a West End play – ‘The King’s Speech’ at The Wyndham Theatre. Being a musicals enthusiast it wasn’t quite what I expected but nevertheless it was very good and I enjoyed it. I had had a little cry at dinner before the play but once I’d shed a few tears I felt better.

The most significant of all though was mum’s birthday. She would have been 65 and I’m pretty sure a party of some sort would have been arranged by her. In the end we decided to get all the family and close friends together to commemorate the day. Mum’s two sisters and their families came down with some of my cousins plus some of my more local family and we had a ‘do’ at my dad’s. It was actually really lovely getting together. Some of us danced all night and others just caught up. Others (mostly the younger ones) got very drunk!

In those early days I used to ‘write’ to mum. I just did a little ‘diary form’ account of what had been happening in our lives since she passed. When you have spoken to someone almost every day of your life and always filled them in on literally everything that’s been happening or going to happen it creates a huge void. Even now (very rarely and randomly) I might think of picking up the phone to tell her something. Nowadays it’s just a fleeting thought that I shrug off but for the first few months it was a hard habit to break. My dad would say we had talked about ‘nothing’ most of the time! In many ways he was right but it was about the connection and irreplaceable mother/daughter bond that we shared. Losing that takes some time to get used to. If I’m honest I’ve never got used to it and I still feel it in my heart. I will never stop thinking about her and wondering if she is looking down on us. That’s a good thing right?

People often talk about wasting time but I truly believe that you don’t always have to be doing something important or remarkable for it to be a meaningful use of time. In my book there really is no such thing as a waste of time.

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time”

Keep Dancing!

My next story is proof that never giving up on your dreams CAN pay off. For several years I applied to as many shows of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ as I could. I’ve never missed an episode! Each year I applied for most dates. You can apply to as many as you like but it only accepts one application per episode and there is a maximum of one pair of tickets per applicant. It is a ticket lottery with a random draw and is the most applied for show on TV with around 250,00 applicants per individual episode! It’s claimed that more than five million people apply every year, making it the hottest ticket in TV land. Previously ‘Top Gear’ was the most popular. Scratching my head at that one…!

As the years went by I continued to go through the motions of applying, not for one second thinking I’d be successful. I would just submit my details and forget about it. So imagine my surprise when in 2019 I got a text out of the blue saying I’d got two tickets for a show in just under three weeks time! My heart was literally racing. First of all I didn’t expect to get a text so I wasn’t sure if it was even genuine and it didn’t even really register at first. But as soon as I got the email ticket it was all systems go. There was no question about whether we would go, it was a no-brainer!

We booked a nearby hotel so that we could get changed there before the show. However, the madness started way before then! I had warned my husband (not known for his good time-keeping!) that it would have to be a VERY early start. As not everyone who asks for tickets uses them, they send out more tickets than there are places. This means that admission is on a first come first served basis and is not guaranteed. They start the ticket validation process from 9.00 am but of course most people get there much earlier to avoid disappointment.

By this tIme the recording of ‘Strictly’ had been moved from the old London BBC centre to Elstree Film Studios at Borehamwood in Hertfordshire, around a two hour drive from home. I also had the benefit of hindsight from my ‘Children in Need’ experience the year before. Firstly, the importance of ID. Secondly, having spoken to one or two people who had previously had the opportunity to go to ‘Strictly’ I knew the queues started at ‘Are you kidding o’clock?’ and some people even camped overnight. There was no way on earth I’d get my husband to agree to that and, to be fair, this was November in the UK and I wouldn’t describe myself as that hard core! I can do standing in a queue during the day, even in the rain (and have on many occasions) but sleeping outside overnight on a pavement? Nope!

We left in the early hours and stopped for fuel about ten minutes from our destination. Imagine my horror when my husband discovered he had left his wallet at home. Not a problem in terms of payment as I had cards on me. Oh no, that was the least of our worries. That wallet was also the holder of his driving licence – yes, his only form of ID for getting into the show! I can still remember the feeling of my blood running cold at the realisation he may just have blown what might be our only ever chance of seeing my favourite show. I felt numb. However, I would not be beaten without at least trying to find a solution.

So this is what happened. He dropped me off with a couple of camping chairs and I joined the end of the queue which wasn’t as bad as I expected, to be fair. After several calls to wake up two of our children – not renowned for hearing any sound whatsoever when asleep – he eventually persuaded them to meet him halfway with his wallet. One driving, one for company!

In the meantime I made new friends. Of course I did! We chatted the minutes away and we were like old friends after a couple of hours!

Luckily the kids did good and met their dad as asked. I hate to think what his drive back to me was like but by that stage I was past caring! I was nervous before we set out so I could have done without the extra stress. Thankfully he made it back with a few minutes to spare and before the queue started to move forward. We duly had our tickets validated with a sticker. Our sticker numbers were in the seventies so we really had done well.

Our hotel was just a few minutes walk from the studio. We paid a small fee to check in earlier as we were told to return to the studios at 2.15 pm which was a five hour wait. We thought we might as well be able to completely relax after such an early start.

The dress code on the ticket stated “Glamorous – strictly no jeans” so we took our posh togs! I wore a fur jacket over my dress and Martin had a velvet blazer so it was very annoying that it started to rain just as we got to the queue. Luckily we took a small umbrella but the damp air wrecked my carefully curled hair, I might as well have not bothered! It wouldn’t have been so bad if we’d gone straight in but we ended up lining up for almost two hours. It was all a bit of a fiasco. The whole point of giving everyone staggered times was to avoid anyone having to hang about but by the time the doors opened all of the audience were queuing at the same time again. It turned out there was some sort of staff shortage on the security which slowed everything down. Come on BBC, surely you could have been more organised! Eventually we got in to the waiting area and were issued with raffle tickets to determine the order of entry into the studio.

We were ushered in in groups according to the numbers and colours of our tickets but not totally in order – it was chaotic enough just gathering everyone together in the number range, without lining everyone up in actual number order! We were in one of the first groups and thought we’d be sat around the dance floor but we were led upstairs instead. So much for being glammed up for the cameras but, to be fair, by then I felt rather bedraggled from the two hours in the rain anyway so maybe that’s not such a bad thing! We were a bit disappointed at first but we soon realised it wasn’t so bad. We were on the balcony that’s above the judges and could only see them if we leaned over but we were actually sitting adjacent and very close to the little pod that Claudia Winkleman is filmed in when she greets the couples after they have danced. So when you see them run up the stairs after the adjudication, that’s where we were. It was really fun because some of the professional dancers hung about on that corner to watch the other dances. Alijaz, Gorka and Anton gave us cheeky waves and messed around! They were really friendly and fun.

When the studio had been filled we realised we’d actually lucked out because the chairs on the ground section are really small and linked together so the audience were literally shoulder to shoulder. We would have hated that! Our ‘bench’ wasn’t exactly luxury but we had loads of wriggle space and weren’t sat on top of each other. The view from that height and angle was perfect too.

Before the filming started the assistants gave out water and snacks to everyone as we were not allowed to take any food or drink in with us. This is more significant than you might think but more on that later….

The afternoon started with some pre-recordings of the professional group dances and a special performance (singing and dancing) from judge Bruno Tonioli. I guess it’s the only way they can do it in a live show with all the costumes etc. Bruno’s performance was recorded 2.5 times (Johannes fell over so they had to start again!). It was every bit as ‘camptastic’ as you’d imagine it to be!

The remaining celebrities at that time were former Emmerdale actor Kelvin Fletcher (that season’s ultimate winner), comedian Chris Ramsey, social media star Saffron Barker, former England footballer Alex Scott, CBBC presenter Karim Zeroual and Eastenders actress Emma Barton. It was a good point in the series to be there as the standard was very high by then.

Kelvin and Oti’s couples’ choice was a Northern Soul inspired dance and it was a first in that genre of dance. It was really cool! Alex and Neil did an Argentinian Tango, Emma and Anton did a Quickstep, Chris and Karen did a Paso Doble, Saffron and AJ did a Samba and Karim and Amy did a contemporary dance for their couple’s choice.

There was one point during the filming where there seemed to be a bit of a commotion. As the show goes out live the only opportunities they have to sort out any issues are when they are showing a VT of rehearsals which are only ever a few minutes long or when they are announcing voting numbers or advertising ‘It Takes Two’. Being a BBC production there are of course no commercial breaks. The ‘problem’ seemed to be some sort of leak coming from above the judges area and a few audience members had noticed drops of water. They thought it was an air conditioning malfunction and investigated that. They also came up to our balcony to see if there was anything coming from there. It was seemingly quite a mystery. So imagine my horror sometime later when I discovered that the water carton (not a bottle) I’d been issued had been leaking on the floor below our bench. We both sat there with an unspoken agreement not to ‘fess up’ but later had a fit of the giggles. By this time the ‘problem’ had been mysteriously resolved and no more was said about it. It still makes us laugh and cringe!

It’s possibly the worst kept secret in showbiz that the results show on a Sunday is actually filmed on the Saturday night and isn’t live! Who knew eh?! Most people I expect! The presenters and judges have a swift change of outfit and there’s a bit of shuffling around with the audience. Again they start by filming the guest performances first. I was really happy that Andrea Bocelli sang ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ accompanied by the London Gospel Choir and a bonus string section with a performance from some of the professional dancers. I’ve always loved him but it was my first time seeing him perform live. We had the privelege of listening to him twice. There was also a performance from the winner of a BBC show called ‘The Greatest Dancer’ – 15 year old Ellie Fergusson who was mentored by Oti Mabuse in the show. She was amazing, a real inspiration. She was also very bendy!

It seems that Dick and Dom (mentioned in my previous story about the world of television) are either frequent visitors at Elstree or they are stalking me! They were in the audience below. They might look very ‘grown up’ these days but they played ‘BOGIES’ during the interval, and it was very funny!

Once all of those performances have been recorded they crack on with the results and the dance-off. The contestants must get quite tired by this time so they don’t hang about. Sadly it was Saffron and AJ against Karim and Amy. Karim and Amy won the judges’ vote. Saffron and AJ had appropriately chosen Donna Summer’s ‘Last Dance’ for their final spin on the dance floor.

By the time we left the studio we’d been up for about 19 hours and were absolutely shattered! I have to say though it was worth every second of tiredness, standing around, getting wet and heart-stopping moments of panic! We absolutely loved the experience and will never forget it. With an audience of only 700 (including guests) and 250,000 applicants, only 0.28 % of people are fortunate enough to get the opportunity to attend so we felt extremely lucky.

Dreams really can come true.

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Lights, Camera, Action!

I know a lot of people hate reality shows especially the talent contests but over the years I’ve loved taking friends to different ones. It’s all just a bit of fun and, to be fair, a relatively cheap day out – train fare or car fuel and a budget lunch!

The very first show we ever went to was at the BBC Television Centre in Shepherds Bush. We took the three oldest children to a recording of ‘Are You Smarter Than a Ten Year Old’? They loved it! Once we’d got our tickets we went to the brand new (at the time) Westfield Shopping Centre at White City, just a two minute walk away, so we were able to do a bit of browsing and have lunch while we waited to go back. We all had a great time. One thing about the TV shows is they keep you entertained from the moment you arrive. The ‘warm up’ guys (I personally have never seen a female one) are always very funny. They are usually stand-up comedians in their own right. That one was particularly hilarious and we felt like we’d gone to see a pantomime! In between filming he got the kids up doing a ‘turn’ and of course our daughter enthusiastically put up her hand! She was nine I think and completely unphased! She sang ‘Mercy’ by Duffy and got a big applause, bless her!

It was really interesting being at the famous television centre. I’d have loved to see the ‘Blue Peter’ garden after all those years! That would have been a classic moment of nostalgia. The warm-up guy also told us that we were in the ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ studio. It was much smaller than you’d think although the layout changes according to each show.

I had well and truly been bitten by the bug after that and it was the first of many years of TV adventures. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and a lot of people aren’t starstruck like me but I’ve had some brilliant days out with friends and a lot of fun.

The very first X Factor auditions show I went to with a friend. My niece and her friend came with us because my daughter was under the age restriction at that time. We had to go to the ExCel in London. My niece needed the toilet and we weren’t supposed to be allowed in the first entrance. However, a security man let us go in and didn’t wait for us to come back out so we ended up walking through the centre (we were supposed to walk round it). We were just ambling along when my 18 year niece (far from shy!) suddenly started running and shouting “Dermot!” at which point the presenter Dermot O’Leary turned round, indicated that he was on the phone and said “I’ll be with you in a minute!” We ended up chatting to him for about 20 minutes. He was so friendly and laidback, asking us questions about ourselves. He was being beckoned almost the entire time and was keeping someone waiting but he didn’t seem too worried and we certainly didn’t mind!

Another time we were sat really close to the judges and the head judge was my ‘other husband’ (in another life) Gary Barlow! It was at the 02 but they had reduced the size of the venue with black sheeting. When the judges made their entrance they walked really close to us and I shook Gary’s hand. Actually, that’s quite an embellishment, my friends would say I actually tried to pull his arm off! A girl can dream can’t she?!

We went to audition shows, boot camps, six chair challenges, finals, you name it! At one of the more recent ones we had reasonable seats and were happy enough with where we were sitting when one of the Applause Store people came over and asked if they could move us down to the front! When we got down there they actually only had three seats and there were six of us! We let three of the ‘kids’ (the gorgeous young ones of our group who, let’s face it, were most likely the reason we were handpicked from the crowd….!) have the good seats and then had to wait while they decided where to put the other three of us! We ended up sitting in the row behind Simon Cowell’s family! His little boy Eric was sat in the seat in front of me next to his mum, Lauren Silverman. Also sitting with them was broadcaster and journalist Dan Wootton. It was quite a surreal experience. The best ‘celebrity watching’ opportunity we could have had. Simon was very attentive towards Eric who was wearing enormous protective headphones and also a little girl in a wheelchair who must have been one of his special guests. He gave her a lot of attention throughout the show inviting her to give a thumbs up or thumbs down for each contestant. He’s a big softie really!

The finals have been really good and we’ve had good seats at times. Also there are duets with other artists and guest performances. One year we saw Ed Sheeran, Take That, Meghan Trainor, Labyrinth and former contestant Ella Henderson in the same show! Another year One Direction came back to perform and the screaming was so unbearable I had to put my fingers in my ears! I don’t even know if they were any good because we couldn’t actually hear them over the hysteria of all the young fans! Katy Perry also performed that night and I think the less said about that the better!

I also went to a number of recordings of a Sky show called ‘Got to Dance’. Originally these were recorded in a dome shaped studio at the old Battersea Power Station but it was moved to Clapham Common when Battersea was bought up for development. The audience was only 200 and the stage was circular so there was no such thing as a bad seat. The judges were Ashley Banjo, Kimberly Wyatt and Adam Garcia who I love! It’s all very intimate and Davina McCall came over and spoke to us on more than one occasion. I also went to one of the semi-finals at Wembley Arena. Again we had great seats and it was Adam’s turn to perform that night. I was mesmerised. I love tap dancing and he’s one of the best. That ticked a massive box for me.

I’ve seen my fair share of Britain’s Got Talent recordings too. That’s always a good one to take the kids to as the minimum age is 8. The audition shows are much better than the X Factor as there are usually less of the awful acts! The very first one was my favourite. We had excellent seats in the stalls and a really good view of the judges who walked down an aisle right next to us when they made their entrance. Where we were also meant we could see Ant and Dec in the wings for the whole show. Michael McIntyre was a very funny judge and David Walliams never stops messing about! He’s hilarious. I’ve been lucky enough to get to a semi final and a final too. At the semi-final there was a performance from dance group ‘Diversity’ who did a ‘Greatest Showman’ theme that was amazing. They also did a recording of Stavros Flatley for ‘Britain’s Got More Talent’, a real blast from the past. The last time I went to BGT was with my kids and their friends and we were right at the front. It was one of the few times we’d actually seen ourselves on TV. We also had our first experience of doing an audience vote. We had handheld devices to make our choices. It was BGT – The Champions – with acts from all over the world so they were all pretty impressive. In the same week I managed to secure tickets to the final of that series and went with a friend just a few days later! It was in the school holidays so I had the time!

My other regular has been ‘Take Me Out’ which is filmed in Maidstone in Kent and is an easy one to get to, only about 45 minutes from home. I’m a huge Paddy McGuinness fan and he didn’t disappoint! He’s just as funny off camera as he is on air. Also, even more handsome in the flesh! But even better is the warm-up guy for his shows who is side-splittingly hilarious! Our jaws have ached from laughing at him. It’s not a big studio and we’ve had various seating positions from the very back to right at the front but the best place to be sitting is up next to the staircase where the contestants walk down and we’ve been put there on two occasions. That’s where Paddy spends a lot of his time presenting. In a filming break another of my friends who doesn’t mind a bit of attention did a dance-off with another audience member and won! Her prizes included a ‘Take Me Out’ mug and boxer shorts signed by Paddy! Not quite as impressive but Paddy also handed me a cupcake that night which was part of a prop! I didn’t eat it…..!

Quite early on in my ‘TV audience’ adventures a group of us want to ‘A League of Their Own’ at Elstree in Hertfordshire. Fortunately we had priority tickets because only two people from a massive queue of general admission got in. It would be such a disappointment to travel all that way and not get in. The show was great fun. James Corden is very focussed and professional whereas some of the others are more jokey off camera. I was delighted that John Bishop was one of the guests. At the end some is needed the loo and there was a big queue so it took us a while to leave. It turned out to be a stroke of luck because as we finally left the building we bumped into Freddie Flintoff! He politely posed for photos with us and a VERY brief chat! Jamie Redknapp would have been the icing on the cake (and the cherry to be fair!) but sadly we had missed him.

One time I went with a friend to the recording of a new talent show on Sky 1 which was at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire. It’s a fascinating place to visit because as you go in you see all manner of film sets – huge props and backdrops. The show we went to was called ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ and, I’ve got to be honest, it wasn’t great and the series was never repeated but we had the funniest time! There were two recordings that day and when we arrived we were asked if we also had tickets for the second one which was a bit strange! Anyway, they offered us a deal! They said if we would be happy to stand for the first show in a sort of ‘pit’ below the stage where the contestants wait they would get us seats right at the front for the second show. It was a no-brainer for us! While we were there we chatted to one or two contestants, one of whom had been to judges’ houses on X Factor and was pretty good. Amanda Byram was the presenter and the guest on the first show was Sarah Harding (from ‘Girls Aloud’) who had to press a button to randomly choose the next contestant. She was quite demure and did so without too much fuss or ceremony.

After a bit of a break we were seated for the second show. This time the guest was Louis Spence and he was hilarious! I’d always thought he’d be a real diva but he was quite the opposite, very friendly! He came over to speak to the audience and was happily posing for photos. The Sky crew are really picky about cameras and are constantly telling people not to take photos but Louis was having none of that, he just kept encouraging everyone! He’s a very stylish man and you can tell that he has expensive and impeccable dress sense. When the time came for him to press his button, of course he couldn’t just stand unpretentiously, like Sarah did. No, not Louis, he pirouetted, high kicked and jeted before each choice. It got to the point where the producer had to ask him to tone it down because his performance was a little too ostentatious (understatement!) and they needed it to be significantly cut down. He was very entertaining!

A few weeks after we’d been to the Sky show they began advertising it and my friend and I kept getting texts and Facebook messages from people who had spotted the two of us on the TV advert laughing hysterically with our mouths wide open! What a sight! Our phones went into overdrive!

I’ve managed to take my dad to a couple of shows too. He used to go a lot back in the seventies with my mum to watch live recordings, sometimes of sitcoms! The first time all of us went, including the children, to watch ‘The Magicians’ where four of the world’s greatest illusionists are joined every week by a celebrity assistant. It was filmed at Shepperton Studios which is built around an exquisite Manor House and has thousands of square feet of workshop space. It is home to some of the world’s best loved films including 12 of the 22 Marvel films. So you can imagine how interesting it is to walk round with snippets of famous sets here and there. The show was fascinating as being so close to the ‘magic’ is mind blowing. Kimberly Wyatt was levitating right in front of our eyes. No camera tricks as we were watching this live remember. It was truly baffling!

The other one a friend and I took my dad and his partner to was ‘QI’. It was filmed at The South Bank studio in Waterloo which overlooks the Thames. It is a very busy studio where they film, amongst other things, ‘Good Morning Britain’, ‘Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway’ and ‘The Graham Norton Show’. We were tight for time that afternoon and managed to get lost initially! We thought we were going to a completely different place! Consequently we almost had to run to get there, no mean feat with a couple of pensioners tagging along! We had minutes to spare before the cut-off point so my friend and I almost sprinted (I say ‘almost’ as running is not something I’m known for!) and we arrived seconds too late. There was a separate desk for priority members and they’d just closed it. This is where we had to do some serious sweet talking! At first it was a firm NO but a kind lady must have felt sorry for us when we told her there were two ‘elderly’ people almost killing themselves to get there on time! We’d told them how far we’d travelled and how excited they were to see the show. However, they were taking ages and every second that went by was scuppering our chances of getting in. It turns out us wannabe sprinters were so fast that they’d lost sight of us in their pursuit to keep up and had taken a wrong turn! The security people had all but given up when they came round the corner and into sight. I don’t know if they felt sorry for us or were just incredibly impressed by the agility of the two oldies but they let us in, phew! All of this took place in front of the general admission queue who were probably cursing us at minimising their chances of getting in! Stephen Fry had stepped down from the show at this time and Sandi Toksvig had taken over. It was also HER last ever show too so it was quite special. She was lovely and very friendly, praising the audience and chatting to different people between takes. It was a close call but more than worth it in the end especially to see dad’s enjoyment of the experience.

Another great show was ‘Michael McIntyre’s Big Show’ which was filmed at the Theatre Royal in Drury Lane. It was very well organised and we had brilliant seats in the stalls. Michael was funny from start to finish. The ‘send to all’ feature was with Ronan Keating (another of my husbands from another life!). That made my day! It was a really smooth production with hardly any unnecessary hanging about. Strangely though when the show was aired a few weeks later we discovered that they chop it around and edit it so that it’s not one whole show. For some reason they mix up the sections of the show making them a mish-mash of all the different recordings!

In November 2018 I took another friend to BBC ‘Children in Need’ at Elstree Studios. We had tickets for the second (late) section of the show and had booked a hotel room rather than driving back in the early hours of the morning. It was another one where you weren’t guaranteed entry and basically had to stay in the queue. Luckily for us there were only four people in front of us. They only issue a maximum of two tickets and one of the attendees HAS to be the name on the tickets. The ticket specified that proof of ID was a condition of entry. There were two women at the front of the queue who had travelled down from Scotland just for the show. Sadly they were turned away because the lady whose name was NOT on the ticket hadn’t brought ID with her. I realise that it was stated on the rules of entry but I did feel this was particularly harsh. They asked if a friend could send a photo of her passport but the young guy was a bit of a jobsworth (or maybe he simply feared losing his job to be fair) and refused to accept that. It was a time of heightened national security but I’m not sure how not producing an ID posed such a threat. Everyone is searched on entry and you’re not permitted to take any food or drink in with you. I guess those poor ladies learned a big lesson that day – rules are rules, especially in TV world!

With such a long wait in the queue we managed to make some new ‘Friends’ – two sisters from the Midlands and a mother and son. It’s amazing how much you can find out about each other in a few hours! It meant the time passed by much more quickly and we laughed so much with them. As we got nearer to going in we started to see celebrities arriving. We were just behind the entrance barriers and a check-in hut. We spotted a few well-known faces such as ‘Newsround’ presenter John Craven and ex-One Direction singer Liam Payne.

We were eventually taken into a holding room where we could buy food, drink and merchandise, ‘Pudsey Bear’ headbands etc! It was also an opportunity to go to the toilet and have a sit down if you were lucky enough to find a spare seat. Our little group stuck together and lined up with each other when we made our way into the studio. As we stood in yet another queue, the 1990s Children’s BBC double act ‘Dick and Dom’ walked past us. The young guy in our group couldn’t help himself and shouted out ‘Bogies’! Someone had to! You may only understand this if you are young enough to have watched ‘Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow’ in the early noughties!

We were surprised about two things on entering the studio. Firstly it was very small! It looks so much bigger on the TV. Secondly we had to stand! Our feet were very weary by now but adrenalin gives you a second wind and we soon forgot how long we’d actually been standing for! The show was okay but not amazing! Marvin and Rochelle Humes presented that section of it and there were some good acts – Anne-Marie (who’s dancers were amazing), Liam Payne and Boyzone. We had to laugh because our new young friend was about 6 ft 5’ and towered over everyone! His friends would have had no problem spotting him in the crowd! Marvin and Rochelle were ever the consummate professionals, very polished, and happily posed for photos and selfies at the end of the show. We enjoyed ourselves but we probably wouldn’t repeat it. It’s a huge test of stamina!

I have one more TV story but I’m going to leave that for next time…..

Starstruck

What do you do the day after you have said your final goodbye to your mum? Well I think most people would just collapse in a heap! Not me!

I had started going to TV recordings with my friends a couple of years before. It’s easy to do. You just apply for the shows you want to see from the ‘Applause Store’ website and wait to see if your application has been successful. The tickets are free but if you apply for general admission there are no guarantees you will get in on the day. However, I became a ‘Priority Member’ for a small fee. This didn’t guarantee getting the tickets online but did guarantee getting in on the day if you did. It’s a separate queue for tickets and they put aside a percentage of the tickets for members. Sometimes it means better seats but not always.

Some time earlier I had applied for the 2011 X Factor live semi-finals. Membership doesn’t apply to those tickets so it’s still a gamble whether you’d get in. It would be a long day and a lot of waiting in a queue but I invited my friend and her daughter to join me and my daughter and we decided to chance it. It would be nice to do something exciting after the draining couple of weeks we’d had.

These particular live shows are held in the Fountain Studios in Wembley. I booked a ‘Park on my Drive’ space and drove us up to Wembley. I highly recommend this method of parking. We’ve done it a few times now and it’s pretty straightforward and usually much cheaper than using car parks, especially for big, popular concerts.

The drive up to London was both stressful and hilarious. I took my husband’s car which had a Sat Nav with the voice of Homer Simpson. At one point we lost signal and ended up on the M40 on our way to Oxford! How did we manage that?! My friend who has the face of an angel and the mouth of a sailor had us in stitches exclaiming “Homer you f***ing idiot” and many more expletives about Homer’s incompetence!

We eventually made it to the address of our parking space for the day. The kind owner of the house greeted us with a printed map of where we needed to go and also gave us verbal directions.

It was a much longer walk than we expected but we found the venue without too much trouble. We also discovered that there was a very reasonably priced car park very close to the studio! Hey Ho, I’d only paid £5 for our space so that’s ok. Although we would have to find our way back to the car at the end of the evening and we’d already realised that our navigation skills were, at best, questionable!

As predicted we had a very long wait, not just to get in but to find out if we would even get a ticket. Fortunately since then they have improved the system and they issue tickets on arrival so the audience members can leave and come back when they open the doors. Much better.

However, on this occasion, we had to wait to see how many tickets would be available. Before they allocate tickets to the public they have to see how many of the crew/production guests there are, as well as friends and relatives of the contestants.

We amused ourselves while we patiently waited to find out. The girls made banners and we chatted and did some ‘people watching’. Every time a car pulled up nearby, the crowd got excited and hopeful that a contestant or one of the judges might step out. Call us desperate but standing in a queue for several hours does that to you! We even got excited to see equipment in an area just the other side of a metal fence where we were standing that was labelled Olly Murs. It was just a drum kit but we were bored…..!

Eventually the doors were opened and we shuffled along with periods of time without moving. It was longwinded and agonising! We could finally see the door and one of the Applause Store employees started counting the queue. He stopped between our friends and us (we were behind) and ushered them forward. Talk about panic! It looked like they might get in without us! My friend said rather frantically “We’re not going in if you’re not!”. It was a nerve-wracking few minutes while they advised us that there might not be any spaces left. Then ironically they proceeded to let us and about 200 more people after us in! We could have done without that bit of drama!

We were ushered in and taken up to almost the back of the studio, quite high up. This was disappointing at first until we realised we were sitting right next to the ‘Xtra Factor’ booth where Olly Murs and Caroline Flack hung out! It turned out it was an amazing place to be sitting! Not only were there celebrities sitting just two rows in front of us, including the likes of Harry Hill and Radio DJ Edith Bowman, but Dermot O’Leary came and spoke to us before talking to the celebrities when the show went on air. We were definitely in the fun zone!

When we went to the ‘Ladies’ during one of the breaks we did a double-take as Adam Woodyatt aka ‘Ian Beale’ strolled past us on his way from the ‘Gents’! Yes, it turns out even soap stars need to pee!

The show started with a pre-recording of a performance from Olly Murs singing “Dance With Me Tonight” so that he could do his ‘Xtra’ presenting during the live show. It was a pretty good line-up that year with the ultimate winner being Little Mix so the show was very good.

More importantly though, it was a great distraction for us at a very sad time.

“Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live”

Life is short….

I’ll See You in my Dreams

Friday 25th November – the day we said our last goodbye.

It was a sunny day – a sign maybe – and everything was organised. We’d had a lot of help. We’d had to book a double slot for the Crematorium in order to have the service just the way we wanted it.

I started off the day busying myself with the arrangements so I felt okay but just before we were all due to leave I had a mini meltdown and hid in my dad’s bathroom to try to compose myself. There is nothing like the sight of a hearse carrying a loved one to their final resting place. It absolutely breaks your heart. If there was one moment that made everything ‘real’ I would say it’s that one. I put myself back together again to leave and my lovely cousin hugged me on the doorstep and took me down the front steps to the car.

We just had one extra car for Dad, me, my siblings and my brother’s partner. There were only six spaces and someone needed to support our children so my husband took them separately.

I don’t know if it was nerves or what but we were all a big giggly in the car on the drive over. As we drove through Westham my brother’s partner said to my brother “I remember collecting you from that ditch once when you were off your face!” The rest of the story was hilarious! We wondered what on earth the undertakers at the front of the car must have thought of us all laughing hysterically on such a sombre occasion. Then we decided it was in fact very fitting that we were all laughing together because we know that would have made mum smile. She’d probably collected him from a few ditches herself over the years too!

However, once we reached the Crematorium the mood changed very suddenly. This was it. Deep breaths….

There was a huge queue of people waiting outside the chapel displaying an array of beautiful bright colours. As we got out of the car and prepared to follow mum in, my brother suddenly fell to his knees and sobbed. It was so sad. I think he’d held it all in until that point.

I’ve already mentioned the poems of the day but I haven’t said anything about the music choices. Mum had told dad what she wanted and her choices were perfect. She was a huge fan of Joe Brown and had seen him in concert more times than we could count. Her entrance was to Joe’s version of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’.

As well as mum’s choices, my brother and I each chose a song to be played. His choice may seem a bit strange to some but it was more appropriate than you’d think. My brother once proudly took my mum to an Ian Brown gig (lead singer of The Stone Roses) and she said she was the oldest person there! I doubt she looked it though. She loved it! He had fond memories of that occasion and chose “Shadow of a Saint”. The lyrics include the lines “I’m standing in the shadow of a Saint, I’ll stay beneath the wings of an angel”.

My choice was “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan. The lyrics of that song could be interpreted in many ways but “In the arms of an angel, May you find some comfort here” was the message from me. Such a beautiful song.

I had also organised for my friend’s daughter to sing at the service. Mum always loved to hear her sing at the shows and was a big fan. She has such a sweet, innocent voice. She was only 15 at the time and I was worried about asking her as it’s such a huge thing to sing at a funeral when the atmosphere is so emotional. I ran the idea past my friend first and she said she would ask her and to let her know I wouldn’t be upset if she felt she couldn’t. I wanted her to be able to decline without feeling bad. She agreed to do it though and they sorted out the soundtrack for us to pass on to the Celebrant. She sang the Beyoncé version of ‘Ave Maria’ and it was perfect. I don’t know how she did it but I’ll always be grateful to her for being brave enough. Part of me wishes it had been filmed because she sang it so beautifully. Then again some things are best nestled in our memories and it’s not as if we’d ever forget that moment.

The most emotional song for me was mum’s choice – “I’ll See You in my Dreams”. This song followed a Reading from Ecclesiastes 3, the Committal and Prayer of Thanks.

It’s a very old song, written in 1924, and has been covered many times. Mum of course loved the Joe Brown ukulele version. Before the funeral my cousin had very kindly created and printed little keepsake cards containing a stunning old photo of my mum sitting on a wall in Cyprus, the epitome of sixties chic, and the lyrics of the song on the flip side. That was a very touching gesture and the card has stayed safely in my purse ever since.

Lonely days are long

All the happiness that used to be

Twilight sings a song

Soon my eyes will close

Soon I’ll find repose

And in dreams, you’re always near to me

I’ll see you in my dreams

Hold you in my dreams

Someone took you out of my arms

Still I feel the thrill of your charms

Lips that once were mine

Tender eyes that shine

They will light my way tonight

I’ll see you in my dreams

Since that day I haven’t been able to get through listening to that without being in floods of tears. It’s beautiful though. If you’ve never heard that version I recommend you look it up. It was played as the curtains closed and as we all hoped we would indeed see her in our dreams.

The last song, another by Joe Brown, just music no lyrics – “Souvenir D’Alvito” was played as we all left the chapel.

The close family left first and we looked at the small collection of flowers. We had asked for family flowers only and donations for those who wished to do so for McCartney Day Unit at the Conquest Hospital where mum was treated. As we read the cards on the wreaths and bouquets we had a surprise moment of hilarity. Our seven year old had written on his card ‘Rest in peas Nanny’! As they say ‘out of the mouths of babes’ – the embodiment of innocence. Bless his little heart.

The reception was busy and full of many people who were special to mum. Dad had rigged up a slideshow of photos to the TV which played all day. It was both wonderful and painful to watch.

I believe mum would have been very pleased with her ‘send-off’ and proud of us all.

“All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother” – Abraham Lincoln

Loving you was easy…

Don’t Cry Because it’s Over, Smile Because it Happened.

Friday 11th November 2011, Armistice Day. It was also the first day of my ‘new’ life. Nothing would ever be the same again. You get through it, you learn to live with the loss, you never get over it.

The arrangements kicked in straightaway. Ever pragmatic, my dad, my older brother and I had an appointment with the funeral directors in town. A first for me and my brother. It was all very compassionate and we were given space and time to make decisions. Strangely none of us were emotional throughout the process. We were probably still in shock.

The funeral was to take place in two weeks’ time at Eastbourne Crematorium. My mum hadn’t been religious. As a teenager she attended a Methodist church because she felt comfortable there and enjoyed the singing which is so ironic because she couldn’t sing a note! I suspect she also enjoyed the social aspect!

Back at dad’s flat we had a steady stream of visitors all day. The mood was a mixture of sombre and sharing memories and all the things we had laughed about. Our own version of Remembrance Day.

Now the trickiest part of that day was getting the two youngest children through their dance show. Of course we gave them the option of not doing it but they were insistent. The youngest was only 7 and it was his first show. Dancing was just a bit of fun for him and he was no protege! It would be good to retain some level of normality for him as he didn’t really understand what was going on. Our 12 year old daughter was adamant that she was going to dance for nanny. Nanny was, after all, her biggest fan!

I helped out in the dressing rooms for the Friday night and Saturday afternoon performances and everyone was so supportive, making sure we were all okay. If I’m honest it was helpful to be busy.

On the Saturday evening I went to watch the show with my husband, dad and two aunts who had never seen our daughter dance. It was so hard! The children were incredibly brave. All their dance friends and their mums were offering their condolences so emotions ran high from the moment they arrived to get ready. I regretted not taking my mum to an early dress rehearsal when she was still getting out a bit as our daughter had a small solo at the beginning of a group dance, as a flamenco dancer, and she looked absolutely stunning in a beautiful red dress. She danced so well. Later in the show she was part of a group that sang Adele’s “Someone Like You” and her friends were giving her little touches throughout the song to comfort her. She was so brave. I really don’t know how she sang such a poignant song in that moment. We were all in tears, especially mum’s youngest sister who cried audibly, shoulders shaking. Another moving performance came from the senior girls who danced to Alexandra Burke’s version of “Hallelujah”. It was stunning and very fitting in our circumstances. We were so proud of our two little performers. I have no doubt ‘Nanny’ was watching from wherever she was.

The following couple of weeks were all about giving mum the best send off ever! One of my aunts extended her stay to support us, particularly dad. Mum had expressed specific wishes that the dress code would not be black. Her favourite colour was pink, the brighter the better! Of course it was, that summed up mum and her personality, pretty and cheerful.

If you have ever had to choose an outfit for a funeral that isn’t black you’ll know it’s harder than you think, especially in November! I would normally have dug something out of my wardrobe but this was especially for my mum and it had to be right. I went shopping with my aunt and we both struggled. In the end I chose a teal shift dress and wore it with a purple cardigan and purple tights. Trust me, it did work! Unlike mum I’m not a big fan of pink, any shade of blue is more my thing (the colours of the sea).

We also had to decide which outfit to dress mum in. We chose a cosy woollen dress which We’d bought her a few weeks earlier ‘just because’ and we could really see her in it. It had really suited her. The children did drawings and wrote messages to put in the coffin, plus a cuddly toy one of them wanted her to have to keep her company.

Our next important meeting was with the Celebrant. She was a lovely lady and spent a good couple of hours with us. The eulogy began with mum’s life story which was certainly varied and interesting – born in Birmingham, moved with her family to Bedfordshire, met my dad who was stationed at an RAF base near Bedford, married at 18, gave birth to my brother at 19 in Bedford and 13 months later I was born in Libya! She’d been a shop assistant, a seamstress, a secretary and an insurance clerk! When my brother and I were very young mum and dad became foster parents and looked after many children, some short term, others longer. In 1979 they bought a guest house and we all moved to Eastbourne. Mum worked like a Trojan to make the business a success. It was incredibly hard but it didn’t stop them taking up fostering again, this time privately, a five month old baby boy and four year old little girl, who were not related to each other. They remained part of our family into adulthood.

We wanted to give other people a chance to contribute with their personal memories of mum and there was no shortage of little anecdotes which were guaranteed to bring a fond smile or a few laughs. The one that sticks in my mind was my cousin’s most prominent memory of living with us for a short while – having to be in bed by 6.30 pm and eating marmite on brown toast for breakfast! Mum was always very strict about bedtimes and was always a bone of contention when we were young!

Family flowers were ordered, food shopping done for the reception which was to be held at the flat and printing of ‘Order of Service’ booklets. Many hours were spent choosing poems. They had to be perfect.

In 2006 my parents had celebrated their Ruby wedding anniversary. I had written a poem about their 40 plus years together which I read out at their party. Of course I still had a paper copy tucked away in a file somewhere (remember my ‘Hoarder Disorder’!) and dad and I thought it would be nice to have it read again as it was a fun summary of their life together.

We also chose:

Opening poem – “We Only Wanted You”

“Sally” written by Lisa

“My Mother Kept a Garden” read by Lisa

“Three Sisters”

“You Meant so Much to Me” read by my niece

Closing poem – “I Know How Much You Loved Me”

The day was set…

“But to see her was to love her. Love but her, and love forever” – Robert Burns

She Didn’t Need to Become an Angel, She Had Always Been One.

Just after 10.00 pm on Thursday 10th November 2011 my dad called us to say mum had passed away. How could that be? It was far too soon! We hadn’t had time to process this. I was catapulted into a living nightmare. We were absolutely dumbfounded. Two of the children were awake and two were sound asleep. The two that were awake insisted on going back with us and it felt wrong to say they couldn’t so I called my neighbour who is also a close friend and she stayed at our house to keep an eye on the other two children who fortunately remained asleep until the next morning.

As soon as I had heard the sequence of events I was convinced mum had planned it that way. My aunts had suggested that my uncles take my dad for a beer to give him a break. They went to a pub in town which wasn’t far. My aunts were sitting in the lounge opposite mum’s bedroom watching TV and one of them had gone in to check on mum. Her beloved Whippet Kizzy was on the bed with her and she had gone. No fuss. I believe it was peaceful and painless. Most of the special people in her life had had a chance to say goodbye to her that day and she had made her last moments easier for her loved ones. Always thinking of others, consciously or not. I truly believe it was intentional.

I mentioned in an earlier story that I had my suspicions about mum’s alleged TIAs. When the last one happened which stayed with her for the remainder of her life, she was referred for a brain scan. She told us that everything was clear. At the time I was relieved and didn’t question it but since then I have had my doubts. I will never know the truth as it was her prerogative what she chose to share with us. I can’t help wondering if she was told something different that day and decided to keep it close to her chest. Dad and I have since noticed on older photos that mum’s right eye looked a bit odd on most of them. We looked at a few and both agreed that something may not have been quite right, maybe even before her second diagnosis. In hindsight it didn’t make sense that the third time would be a TIA as they typically don’t last more than 24 hours. She hadn’t had a full stroke so how was it anything to do with that? Similarly the symptoms of Bell’s Palsy do not match mum’s condition. There was also no treatment offered for it such as steroids which are usually prescribed.

Other incidents which might otherwise be considered insignificant also made me wonder about this. I remember talking about us all going to see ‘The Jersey Boys’ in London and she was very half-hearted about it. It was very out of character because mum shared my love of the theatre, particularly musicals. When I suggested possibles dates she was very evasive and seemed reluctant to discuss it. Did she know her time was running out…?

As soon as we arrived I went in to ‘see her’. Amongst all the sadness there was a tiny positive. Mum looked more beautiful than ever. Her skin had returned to a much more normal colour and her hands looked and felt like porcelain. Also to our surprise her face had returned to ‘normal’ – no disfigurement or distortion – just relaxed and unspoiled. Some people understandably would rather not see their loved ones after they have passed and would rather remember the last time they saw them alive. In different circumstances I probably would have felt the same but seeing her look so peaceful was a great comfort to me. Then I felt panicked. Had I told her enough that I loved her? Did I spend enough time with her when I had the chance or had I prioritised other things? I would never be able to talk to her again! It was so surreal.

We all sat around in complete shock that night. Dad and my uncles told us an uncanny story. Rewinding several years to the passing of my Nan. One of her favourite songs had been ‘Crazy’ by Patsy Cline. She passed her love of that song down to my mum and we all loved it. It was played at my nan’s funeral and was forever etched in our memories. We had a spiritual connection to the song and, no word of a lie, we ALWAYS heard it played somewhere whenever any of us were on holiday – either our family or both of my aunts’ families – and we would always tell each other we’d heard it. Well, on this particular night when the men were in the pub the song was played. I wonder if it was the exact moment of her passing as none of us really know when that was, only approximately. It does seem like an incredible coincidence but we like to think it was a sign that she had left us to be reunited with her beloved mum.

The GP had been called and had been to confirm the death. We then had to make a very difficult decision, whether to keep mum at home until the morning or to call the undertakers. There’s no right or wrong decision about this but it was my dad who should decide. He made the decision to have her taken away. This was completely new and unknown territory for me but it was all very dignified and respectful. I can’t explain the hollow feeling after she’d gone. It was unimaginable.

That was it….

We lost a beautiful angel that night but Heaven gained a very special one.

RIP MUM 💔

You Never Know What Someone is Going Through. Be Kind. Always.

It was a busy time of year with the lead up to Christmas and our daughter’s annual dance show so I was doing the usual running about for rehearsals, guitar lessons, swimming….life was carrying on as usual. When you have four children your feet barely touch the ground but the thoughts and fears are always there lurking in the back of your mind.

Our biggest fears came very suddenly and unexpectedly. That probably sounds ridiculous but just bear in mind that it had only been a couple of weeks since we got the news that mum’s condition had become terminal. We still had plans….

It was a Thursday morning. I was on my way to a meeting at a Hastings school but had only been in the car for a few minutes when my dad called me. He simply said “I think you’d better come now”. It just so happened I was approaching a roundabout at that moment so I turned round and drove straight there.

Dad appeared calm but he was right to call me. He knew mum was taking a turn for the worse. The GP visited and broke the news that the situation was grave and that mum was deteriorating. We should prepare ourselves for the worst. Her care would now be palliative. I clearly didn’t accept this at the time because I asked if she would be able to go to My daughter’s show the following evening if we all helped to get her there. I could see by his face that wasn’t an option. Even then though I hadn’t understood the potential timescales.

By this time my husband had also arrived and I remember running out of the lounge to the dining room on the opposite side of the flat after speaking to the doctor and I couldn’t catch my breath. It was like a panic attack. I consciously didn’t want to break down in front of my dad but my world had just shattered into a million pieces. Thank goodness I had my husband there to support and comfort me.

A lovely Macmillan nurse arrived shortly after the doctor. It was the first time I had met her but she knew mum very well. She was full of admiration for mum’s stoicism and courage and marvelled at her strength. From this point the arrangements were about making mum physically comfortable.

First of all a ‘Just in Case’ box was prepared for one of us to collect. These are also called ‘anticipatory medicines’ or ‘end-of-life’ medicines.

Just in case medicines are used for different symptoms, including nausea and vomiting, breathlessness, agitation or restlessness, pain or noisy breathing. Some people have these symptoms in their last weeks and days of life but not everyone does. Just in case medicines are prescribed in case someone develops these symptoms. It means they can access the medicines as soon as they need them.

The Macmillan nurse also arranged for a specialist bed to be delivered but said, given the time (by now early afternoon) it was unlikely to arrive that day.

Throughout this time mum was in her bed and not very responsive. We tried to get her to sip from a straw to keep her hydrated but it was difficult as she was so sleepy.

One of my closest friends came straight over when I called her and we sat either side of mum’s bed. I’m not sure why I remember this seemingly trivial moment but we were chatting away about insignificant things and had been talking about which teabags we preferred when my mum suddenly mumbled something like “I love tea” followed by another inaudible comment! Such a simple thing but it made us both giggle. She was still making us smile.

As it happened some relatives were due to come and stay that weekend, the main reason being to watch the dance show the following evening. Dad called mum’s two sisters who dropped everything to do the three hour drive there and then from Bedfordshire with my uncles. I also contacted my foster sister who was in London and encouraged her to leave and come down as soon as she could.

People started arriving late afternoon, including my cousin all the way from Leicester. My brother also arrived early evening.

Everyone spent some time with mum. It’s hard to know if she was aware of this but I think she was.

I was then faced with one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do in my life. My husband came with me to pick our youngest up from primary school. We were given permission to collect him early then collected the two middle ones from their secondary school. The oldest was at college. They knew something was up because their dad hardly ever got involved in school runs. We waited til we got home to explain and I will never forget the image of our poor little girl falling to her knees, absolutely hysterical. It was like a scene from a film. We had ripped her heart out with that news. The youngest was totally bewildered by it all and the older boys seemed numb. I can’t imagine the shock for them. They really had no idea. We had done such a good job of shielding them from the pain of the past four years, the trauma was immense. I could only hope that one day they would forgive me and appreciate that being oblivious had allowed them to continue to have quality time without any worries, leaving the fear for the adults to deal with. As I said before, I believe mum was right but I still wish I’d had the time to prepare them.

We all went back to the flat and the children saw their Nan. Our daughter climbed onto the bed and snuggled up to her. I’m sure she would have known they were there and heard their words of love. I was relieved they at least had the chance to do that.

At around 8.00 pm we decided to go home and get the children sorted. We were exhausted. My car had been parked across the road all day. It was parked perfectly legally in a residential area, not blocking anyone’s drive or causing any obstruction. So imagine my horror at finding a handwritten note tucked behind my windscreen wiper. The note contained a threat along the lines of ‘if I parked there again they would not be held responsible for what might happen to it’. I wish I could remember the actual wording. I kept the note in my purse for a while after then decided I should destroy it as it was toxic and it wasn’t helpful to be reminded of such an upsetting incident on the saddest wday of my life.

I went straight back to my dad’s and showed him the note. One of my uncles was fuming and ready for a fight. This was not the time for petty, spiteful behaviour from neighbours. My dad lives opposite a railway station and a few minutes’ walk from an insurance company which is one of the largest employers in the area. Parking is a bone of contention in that street and has raised a lot of complaints. However, those people have to park somewhere, either for work or train travel, and it is one of those things. It’s the same as if you choose to live near a school where parents drop off and collect their children at the same times every day.

My husband is very good in situations like this one and intervened very quickly in order to avoid tempers being frayed and making a bad situation much worse. He calmly knocked on the door of the house that I was parked next to. The couple who lived there were a local councillor and former Mayor of Bexhill, who was well known and respected in the town, and his wife. His wife answered the door and didn’t deny writing the note. She said she thought it was one of the insurance employees and if she’d known our situation she wouldn’t have done it. Oh that’s okay then! Not…..

Ironically after her husband sadly passed away in 2018 she was a candidate in the Rother local elections for the Independent Party. She was elected in 2019. I doubt it was her community spirit that won her that seat…..In 2021 she ran again but was not elected. Maybe her true character was found out? Who knows?

We could have done without that little drama. We were all drained and had no energy for tackling unnecessary incidents.

Just because you are angry it doesn’t mean you have the right to be cruel….